Challenge: Going Filter-less

Last week, I talked about how too much internal monologue can be a detriment to your story. Today, I want to talk about how to make the internal monologue as effective as possible.

Once you have a balance of story vs. internal thoughts, you want your character’s thoughts to have the best kind of impact on your reader. Meaning, they are appropriate for the reader to know, and the overall style fits with the intent.

I am referring here to filtering language. A filter is a layer of something in between the reader and the rest of the story. Sharon Darrow, instructor at the Vermont College of Fine Arts, compares filtering language to a play with the curtain still down. A person (or filter) is standing at the curtain watching the play, and then telling the audience what’s happening. I.E.: “Priscilla just tripped and fell down, and it looks like it hurt. Oh! She just noticed that John’s the one who tripped her, and now she’s mad at him.” Etc.

When we write, we want the reader to be as close to our stories as possible, right? The closer he is, the easier it is to understand our characters’ motivations and actions. We don’t want a filter to translate the story for the reader. We want him to interpret it for himself.

These are your basic filtering phrases:
He saw…      She heard…     I smelled…      He tasted…   She felt…
I noticed…    He realized…   She thought…   I watched…  He wondered…
She hoped… I considered… He could see… etc.

Each of them tells us that the character is doing something, just like the person standing by the curtain at the play. But it doesn’t show us how it’s done. The how is what makes the impact on the reader. Anyone can watch a football game, but how they watch it shows us who they are. A sports fan will either cheer or yell at the players, but a non-sports fan will likely be bored and glance at the clock often.

There is also another drawback with filtering language: using “I” excessively.
- I saw Tom trying to peel his banana.
- I heard Jenna laugh at Mike’s dumb joke.
- I smelled Joe’s musky, overpowering cologne.
Each sentence is not actually about the main character, but the character makes it about her by telling us that she saw/heard/smelled something. That can often give the impression that she’s self-centered, even if she’s not. I’ve heard more than one person complain about the selfish attitudes of YA characters, and I think this is where most of it comes from.

If you’re writing in third person, then you don’t have the excessive “I” problem. But you still have the lack-of-how problem (see the sports fan above). In third person, you are already distant. Adding in a filtering layer will only make it harder for your reader to connect to the story, which is the last thing you want. Show us the how and we’ll love you for it.

Challenge:
I challenge all of you to take a scene that contains filter language and rewrite it so that it doesn’t. Feel free to post the before and after in the comments so we can all enjoy. :)

What to Do With Thoughts

This particular question has come and gone over the years, and lately it’s been coming back. I think it’s partly because of a new (and popular) style of writing conflicting with the standard rules. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard it in the last few months: Should direct thoughts and/or internal monologue be italicized?

Short answer: Technically, yes. That’s the rule for distinguishing between prose and thoughts.

Long answer: Not necessarily. This is one rule that can easily and effectively be bent, but it all depends on your story (and, yes, I realize this is an oft repeated mantra of mine).

First, let’s take a look at a couple styles.

If you switch from third to first person to show your character's thoughts, then you need to use italics. If you switch from past tense to present tense to show your character’s thoughts, then you should use italics (though this can get a bit tricky). After all, the rule clearly states that thoughts should be italicized in these instances.

But what if we don’t switch? What if we stay in third person, or stay in past tense? That would mean we’re also staying in the narrative, right? But does that mean we can’t convey thoughts?

Not at all. It's certainly possible to convey thoughts and ideas as a part of the narrative, without italics, as long as you keep things consistent. That means two things. 1) The entire narrative turns into the character’s thoughts, and the whole story is written from his/her bias. 2) You can’t switch from third to first person, or from past to present tense (except, of course, when you can). If you do, it’ll make the prose inconsistent and will likely jar the reader.

To me, not using italics makes the narration seamless because I feel like I am the character. When thoughts are put in italics, there's a subtle reminder that we're going deeper into the main character's head—implying that we weren't there a second ago. If there are no italics, then I feel like I’ve been there all along. I find this style far more effective, even in third person.

As a result, the story’s voice tends to be stronger because the whole narration is the character's playground for thoughts and opinions and his/her personality has more opportunities to show through.

But what about direct thoughts vs. internal monologue? Shouldn’t direct thoughts be italicized no matter what? Again, technically, yes. But I don't actually see them as being that different. They're both thoughts, really, where one is put in italics and the other isn't. You can still effectively convey the necessary emotions and such by turning the internal monologue into something like direct thoughts. Hence, no italics necessary.

There are plenty of successful first and third person stories that don't italicize internal monologue. The 'thoughts' are simply a part of the narrative, and it matches the POV, tense, and voice. But the information is most definitely the character's opinions, or it at least has that character's bias and perspective.

That said, it all depends on the story, and what kind of style that story demands. The only way to figure out what you, the author, should do is to experiment and see what works best for your story.