What NOT To Do With Rejection

Last week, I posted about how you can turn rejections from editors and agents to your advantage. This week, I want to take a look at how rejection can affect you personally.

When we write a story, often times the story comes from places deep within us. It’s often been said that writers are basically running around naked, because so much of their stories can come from themselves. So, right off the bat, we have a deeply personal stake in our work.

Then, we work and work and work, sometimes for years, trying to get everything just right. Most people have a job on top of this, perhaps even a family. You could be working on your next promotion, spending time with your significant other or kids, hanging out with your friends, sleeping, reading, exercising, or any number of other activities. But you choose to write because it’s important to you. Several more personal stakes right there.

After all this, you get to the point where you think your work is ready, and you send it out. What happens? You get rejected. Not just once, but many times. Even if you turn those rejections to your advantage and revise, you still may never find someone to take on your project. And that is the ultimate rejection.

But there is still a light at the end of this depressing tunnel: agents and editors don’t intend rejections to be personal. They are in a business, and are looking for things they can sell. If they don’t know how to sell it, then it’s not in anyone’s best interest for them to take it on. So, the simplest, and probably hardest, thing you can do is this: Don’t take their rejections personally.

I know that’s easier said than done, so here are some tips that might help you keep an optimistic attitude throughout this difficult process.

-When you begin querying, decide up front whether you want an agent or an editor. If you decide to go the editor route, keep in mind that if you can’t find one, you won’t be able to go back and look for an agent. At least, not with that project. If you’ve already shopped your project around to all the publishing houses and been turned down, then where is the agent going to go with it? However, if you go the agent route first and don’t find any takers, you can still search for editors on your own. Thinking about this before you begin querying may save you some headaches down the road.

-Even though you may be tempted to, don’t advertise how many times you've been rejected, or by whom. I’ve heard many an agent say that if they can see all the other people who didn’t want your project, then why would they? It makes them predisposed to wonder ‘what’s wrong’ instead of just focusing on your work, or even on what can be improved.

-There will probably be a time when you get a rejection that stings. Really stings. Maybe the rejecting agent was harsh and snarky in her letter. However, that doesn’t mean you should be. Don’t write back with nasty comments, and never publicly rant about how misunderstood your work is or how stupid the agent/editor was. Instead, you have to rise above this and remain professional.

That is, you have to remain professional publicly...which leads me to my last tip, probably the most helpful of all.

-Find a support system for you to vent, scream, cry, rant, rage, or anything else you can think of. Just make sure it’s not a public venue, like message boards, blogs, Twitter, email listserves, etc. There is nothing wrong with having a personal reaction to a rejection. You just need to keep it personal and private. Otherwise any agents or editors who overhear you might think you can’t handle the publishing world, and will pass you by even if your work shows merit. That’s the last thing you want. After you’ve had your rant, then you can go back to the rejection to see if there was any useful information in it. If so, you can use it. If not, you can toss that rejection and keep going.

Probably the easiest way to think of all this is to imagine how you would behave in a normal job. If you regularly snip and snarl at your coworkers, then no one is going to want to work with you. If you rant to your coworkers about how so-and-so doesn’t know how to do his job, that’s going to get back to the person in question and put a strain on your working relationship. If you tell your boss that he’s an idiot, you might lose your job. Or, at the very least, you aren’t going to get that raise or promotion you’ve been working so hard for.

But, generally, people don’t do this. Instead, we go home and rant to our loved ones. The ones who will listen and support us, and give us tea or chocolate cake to ease the pain and frustration. Writing is no different. So, find that support system, vent and rant to your heart’s content, and then get back to your work and make it so good that no one will be able to say “No.”

Rejecting Rejection and Embracing Revision

Rejection is part of the publication-seeking process. But that doesn't mean it won't hurt each and every time we're rejected. So, how do we find ways to keep going?

Easy. All you have to do is realize one simple truth: rejection is a good thing.

“Right,” you say. “Why would we want to be rejected?”
Well, true, no one wants to be rejected. Even the word, re-JEC-ted, sounds so harsh. But that doesn’t mean we can’t turn it into a good thing.

First, let’s take a look at the kinds of rejections that agents send out.

The Form.
This is the standard rejection letter that agents send to everyone. It takes them two seconds to either copy and paste into an email, or stuff into an envelope. It means that either your query or your story didn’t spark enough to warrant more.

The Personal.
This is a rejection with specific comments about the content of your story. The agent may say your writing is good, or that certain aspects of your story work well, and she might even make suggestions for improving it. But, ultimately, it’s not right for her. So, even if you take her suggestions and revise your story, don’t send it back when you’re done. However, you can send her future projects. Side note: this kind of rejection often comes after a request to see the manuscript.

Revision Request.
This is the best kind of rejection because it isn’t really a rejection. The agent has made a connection with your story, but finds it lacking in specific areas. So, she asks you to improve those areas and then send the story back to her. Agents don’t say these things lightly, so, unless the suggested changes don’t resonate with you, don’t ignore this request. On that same note, don’t assume that you’ll get an automatic acceptance once you’ve revised. She might still say no.

No Response.
This is probably the most difficult and confusing rejection of all, because it leaves us wondering if our query was even received. It’s also becoming more common. The number of queries has risen so dramatically that agents just can’t keep up. Many have decided not to respond unless interested in seeing more.

When you start sending out your query letters, keep this in mind: your query isn’t perfect. Because of this, you absolutely should not send out fifty queries at a time. Not even twenty. Really, you shouldn’t have more than ten queries out at a time. Less is better, especially when you’re first starting out.

The reason is this. If you send your imperfect query to fifty agents, you’re hurting your chances at landing a contract. You get ONE shot with an agent, so you can’t afford to blow it. Instead, send your queries out in small batches, and then you can analyze what needs improvement by the kinds of rejections you receive.

If you’re getting all form rejections, that means your query needs work. Maybe the story summary isn’t compelling enough, maybe you sound desperate or flat instead of passionate about your work, or maybe there’s a glaring error that you missed. Either way, it’s time to revisit your query and make some improvements.

If you’re getting mostly personal rejections, that means there is something lacking in your story. Or, at least, in the beginning of your story. If you can’t hook an agent in the first twenty pages, they aren’t going to keep reading. So, it’s time to revisit your story, armed with any suggestions for improvements.

If you’re getting revision requests, but still getting rejected afterwards, then take a look at the way you revise. Did you really address the issues raised? Did you take the time to absorb the suggestions before you began revising? Did you keep the heart of your story in mind as you made changes? It’s easy to get so excited about an interested agent that you can lose sight of everything else. Above all, you need to stay true to your story so it remains consistent, and at the same time you need to address the issues being raised. Sometimes the agent’s solution will work fine. Other times, you’ll need to come up with your own.

So, as I said in the beginning, rejection is a good thing. Why? Because it tells us how to improve. We just need to figure out how to listen, and then improve our work until there's no way an agent can say no. That's when we'll get THE CALL...which is the topic for next week. :)