The Magnificent Twelve: The Call by Michael Grant

Twelve-year-old Mack MacAvoy suffers from a serious case of mediumness. Medium looks. Medium grades. Medium parents who barely notice him. With a list of phobias that could make anyone crazy, Mack never would have guessed that he is destined for a more-than-medium life.
And then, one day, something incredibly strange happens to Mack. A three-thousand-year-old man named Grimluk appears in the boys' bathroom to deliver some startling news: Mack is one of the Magnificent Twelve, called the Magnifica in ancient times, whatever that means. An evil force is on its way, and it's up to Mack to track down eleven other twelve-year-olds in order to stop it. He must travel across the world to battle the wicked Pale Queen's dangerous daughter, Ereskigal—also known as Risky. But Risky sounds a little scary, and Mack doesn't want to be a hero. Will he answer the call?

I read the first book in Michael Grant’s Hunger series, and it was a bit too much for me. I’m hypersensitive to kids getting hurt (this happened after I had kids of my own), so that series is just too disturbing for me.

The Magnificent Twelve, however, is the exact opposite. Fun, campy humor runs throughout the story, giving it a lighthearted tone and putting a perpetual smile on my face. The mix of Mack’s phobias with his general lack of reasonable fear makes for a hilarious combination. It also turns the story upside down when one of Mack’s phobias gets in the way of progressing the story. Very cool.

If you liked Whales on Stilts by M.T. Anderson, you’ll definitely like this. The humor is very similar, but the humor isn’t quite as ‘out there.’ Still funny, though, and I can see boys of all ages tearing through these pages.

For a chance to win an ARC of this book, fill out the form here.

500 Word Critique: MG ghost story

It's been a while, but someone else has decided they'd like to offer up 500 words for critique.  It's the beginning of a middle grade ghost story, a prologue and part of the first chapter.

I have kept the author anonymous, and given my reactions to the story. The green text in parentheses are my comments.


***
Prologue
The smell of death encompassed the room (What does death smell like? I know this is a hard thing to pin down, but it has to smell like something to this character, and if he/she can convey it to the reader, then we'll feel that much closer to the story). My legs felt like cement. Fear was stopping my every move (these two sentences actually say the same thing--perhaps combine?). My first thought was to run towards the door. I know the threatening one (this reads like a name or title; if so, it needs to be capitalized) is here, I just don’t see it. The smell lets me know as it looms closer (how does the smell change as the entity gets closer? Does it get stronger? Does it smell like something else? These details will heighten the tension and bring the reader closer to the story). Darkness surrounds the threatening one.

Terror gripped my senses and felt like it would never release me (instead of telling us that terror has an unrelenting grip on the character, show us how terror feels to this person--people experience it differently, so we need to know how it feels to this particular person). I tried to raise my hand in front of me to feel through the darkness, but I was concerned that I would run into the threatening one.

Whispers filled the air. It is closer and ready for attack (can s/he feel it coming? Where does s/he feel it? Tingles along the spine? Skin crawling? Paralysis? Show us the clues that let him/her know the entity is closer). A slinking sound behind me made me realize my existence would soon be over (for most people, a survival instinct would kick in—this makes it sound like s/he has given up). My thoughts were paralyzed with fear. I felt somewhat relieved that I couldn’t see its’ (its--no apostrophe) face. Prayer and hope were my only escape. Did anyone know that I was trapped in the prison of bitterness with a vengeful thing? The threatening one is protecting what it feels belongs to it. I want to protect those I love. (this is interesting, but a bit confusing—how does the character know the threatening one is vengeful, yet protecting something at the same time? Those two emotions don’t usually go together, so it’s intriguing. But perhaps make the situation a bit clearer as to how the character knows about them)

I heard the threatening one make a deep breathing sound (how does it sound? Show us so we can experience it with the character) as it crept even closer. Would someone wake me up (oh, I didn’t realize s/he was sleeping...or is s/he?)? I screamed in my head. I can’t continue like this (how old is this person? It sounds like an adult speaking)! My breathing was becoming slower and the room was closing in.

Silence filled the air. I stood motionless knowing this could be the end. Tears wanted to stream down my face as my eyes shut tightly (the POV is first person, but this sounds a bit like third—as in, from the outside looking in, not how the character is feeling on the inside). This is not how my life was supposed to end. “Tell my friends I love them,” was my last thought. (so, how does this person die? And how does it feel? Is it a brutal murder, or does his/her heart just stop? And how does that feel? These details will give us more insight into the character and the situation, and we’ll be able to feel the experience right along with him/her. It also increases tension and keeps the reader on the edge of his seat)

Chapter 1
“Don’t believe what people say about your house, Lauren,” I heard someone whisper. (this is a perfect place to work in the name of the protagonist—we’ll make a quicker connection, and also know she’s a girl)

“What? What about my house?” My eyes stare straight ahead.

“Oh, nothing. You’ll see.” (who spoke? An adult? A kid? A crazy homeless person? Knowing where this information comes from will help us know how much credence to lend to it. And also seeing the character’s reaction to that person will color our judgment, too, in favor of the main character)

I froze in the spot, afraid to move. A chill collected in the middle of my upper spine then shot down my entire back. There in front of me is my new home, looking like it was beckoning me to come inside. Was this house really smiling at me? Seriously, it looked just like the house was smiling (this sentence has a lot of great voice). It was a huge white two story Civil war type antebellum home. I swear it had to have been built in 1800 (that specific year? Or in the 1800’s?). I had a good sense of things about me and I didn’t have a good feeling about this. The smile on the house’s face was not a welcoming one, but one of “I dare you to come in” kind of look. Somehow this house reminded me of the smile on the Cheshire cat. (this is a great reaction to the house, and I think it would have a greater impact on the reader if we got this first—before the general statement that the house seemed to be smiling. The ‘Cheshire cat’ grin paints a specific and vivid image, but a general ‘smile’ can be interpreted in multiple ways. I’d jump right into the Cheshire cat.)

A big balcony with two large French doors looked like it was protecting the 2nd floor. A shadow cascaded across the entrance. I look around (nine times out of ten, sentences like “I looked...” are not necessary. We assume the character is looking around because she then reports what she sees, so it’s not necessary to tell us that she looks around). Wonder who that is, I thought. Must be one of the movers, I hoped. (not sure her thoughts are necessary here—we’re in her head already with the sentence ‘Must be one of the movers,’ and the ‘I hoped’ sounds like you’re trying too hard to create tension. The assumption that the shadow is from one of the movers has already planted the seed of suspicion in the reader’s head)

There were trees surrounding the house, which made its appearance look dark. I did like the balcony though because I couldn’t wait to sit there and read. In front, just like most antebellum homes, there were four huge pillars. I waited to see if Scarlett O’Hara would come walking outside. Maybe, hopefully, with nice landscaping it won’t be so gruesome looking. Where was the new house I thought I was going to have? Oh, there are shade trees, but what were my parents thinking???? (only one question mark is needed)

Overall comments:
This is intriguing! I think this is a great setup to a ghost story, and if we were a bit closer to the main character, it would be even better. We need to know more of what Lauren is thinking. But, what she thinks needs to be sharp and concise. If she’s saying the same thing three different ways, it’s going to frustrate the reader.


Watch out for your verb tenses—there are places where you switch from past to present and back. I’ve highlighted the places where you’ve slipped into present tense.


The prologue above is written in first person, and so is your first chapter. The implication here is that these two are the same characters. I’m guessing they’re not, though, so switching the prologue to third person might differentiate it better. It would also let us know whether the prologue’s character is male or female—and that will help us to better identify with him/her.
***

Thanks to the author for stepping up and sending in your work!!

As for all of you reading, what did you think? Do you agree with me? Disagree? Did I miss anything? Please weigh in with your comments!

If you would like your work posted here for critique, then send me 500 words from anywhere in your story. Or, feel free to send a query for critique.
tabwriter at gmail.com

I Am Number Four by Pittacus Lore

Nine of us came here. We look like you. We talk like you. We live among you. But we are not you. We can do things you dream of doing. We have powers you dream of having. We are stronger and faster than anything you have ever seen. We are the superheroes you worship in movies and comic books—but we are real.
Our plan was to grow, and train, and become strong, and become one, and fight them. But they found us and started hunting us first. Now all of us are running. Spending our lives in shadows, in places where no one would look, blending in. we have lived among you without you knowing.
But they know.
They caught Number One in Malaysia.
Number Two in England.
And Number Three in Kenya.
They killed them all.
I am Number Four.
I am next.

After reading this summary, I could not wait to get my hands on a copy of this book. Murder, mystery, and superheroes? What’s not to love?

For the most part, I enjoyed this book. The voice is on the quieter side, which fits with John’s (aka Number Four) need to blend in to the background. True to form for any kid his age, he gets tired of moving around and wants to form some real friendships in his new town. With that comes the unexpected desire to stand up for himself.

This is a great concept. The need to not be noticed conflicting with the need to establish himself set a fantastic tone and kept me interested. Some of the scenes where John stands up to the local bully were a bit too full of testosterone for my taste, and the middle of the book slowed down a bit because John got too caught up in ‘setting that bully straight.’ But when we get back to the fact that he’s being hunted, the pace picks back up. And, of course, by the end of the story, everything has changed for all of John’s people.

I’m looking forward to the next book, and finding out how everything is going to unfold. I am hoping, though, that there will be less posturing and more exploring of newfound abilities.

For a chance to win an ARC of this book, fill out the form here.

A Celebration of Banned Books

Today, I want to just appreciate a bunch of books that have been banned at some point or other. I’ve read these books at various points in my life—some as a child, some as an adult—and each of them have had a profound effect on me.

The Giver by Lois Lowry
I guess I’ve always been the black sheep of my family. It bothered me, because I had no one I could relate to growing up. But this book helped me realize that I can celebrate my individuality, and that there is a whole world of people out there. I don’t need to change myself to fit in with who is around me. Instead, I can keep searching until I find others who understand me.

His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman
This trilogy enabled me to take a good, hard look at my own beliefs, religious and otherwise. My revelations are far too personal to share, but I can say that these books were a catalyst for a turning point in my life for the better.

The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
Growing up, I always felt I had to succumb to social conformity. That was perpetuated by the whole black sheep thing, but I also felt I was supposed to do what others said I should do. This book showed me that, not only is it okay to say no, I could find my own path. And, if I found the right one, I could make myself happy rather than worrying about making everyone around me happy.

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Patterson
I read this book in seventh grade, and it was my first introduction to loss. I felt for the main character on a deep level. Years later, I lost a very good friend to a car accident. I didn’t know it at the time, but later on I realized that this book had already paved the way toward recovering from this kind of loss.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle
Stubbornness runs in my family, and I can’t count how many times I heard “You’re too stubborn!” as I was growing up. It never occurred to me that stubbornness, which I always perceived as a weakness, could be used as an incredible strength. At least, not until I read this book. :) I was in grade school at the time, and this was a HUGE turning point for me.

And then there are a bunch of others that enabled me look at the world in a different light.
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Patterson
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes by Chris Crutcher
That Was Then, This Is Now by S.E. Hinton
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Animal Farm by George Orwell
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
A Separate Peace by John Knowles

I wouldn’t be where I am today without these books. They’ve helped shape and define me in so many good ways, and my life would be truly sad indeed if I’d never been exposed to them. I am very grateful that they came along when they did.

In My Mailbox...

In My Mailbox is an exploration of what books I brought home this week, and is organized by The Story Siren.

This week, I got two more books for review:

ARC of Matched by Ally Condie

In the Society, Officials decide. Who you love. Where you work. When you die.

Cassia has always trusted their choices. It’s barely any price to pay for a long life, the perfect job, the ideal mate. So when her best friend appears on the Matching screen, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is the one . . . until she sees another face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black. Now Cassia is faced with impossible choices: between Xander and Ky, between the only life she’s known and a path no one else has ever dared follow—between perfection and passion.

 

ARC of Sapphique by Catherine Fisher

Finn has escaped from the terrible living Prison of Incarceron, but its memory torments him, because his brother Keiro is still inside. Outside, Claudia insists he must be king, but Finn doubts even his own identity. Is he the lost prince Giles? Or are his memories no more than another construct of his imprisonment? And can you be free if your friends are still captive? Can you be free if your world is frozen in time? Can you be free if you don't even know who you are? Inside Incarceron, has the crazy sorcerer Rix really found the Glove of Sapphique, the only man the Prison ever loved. Sapphique, whose image fires Incarceron with the desire to escape its own nature. If Keiro steals the glove, will he bring destruction to the world? Inside. Outside. All seeking freedom. Like Sapphique.

What did you bring home this week?

October Book Giveaway!

I know I said last week that I only had two books to give away this month, but I lied.  I've got four!  Two prize packs and two winners, and these are your options:

PRIZE PACK 1

ARC of The Necropolis by P.J. Hoover

The situation in Lemuria is rapidly deteriorating. In fact teleportation between the hidden continent and the outside world has become so dangerous, all agents and their families have been recalled. Although Benjamin is pleased to be living in Lemuria full time, he knows he needs to find his last sibling soon. However, between classes, a murderous half-brother, and complications with his friend Heidi, Benjamin can barely focus. Besides, there's only one place left they haven't searched - the hidden continent of Atlantis.

ARC of The Magnificent Twelve: The Call by Michael Grant

Twelve-year-old Mack MacAvoy suffers from a serious case of mediumness. Medium looks. Medium grades. Medium parents who barely notice him. With a list of phobias that could make anyone crazy, Mack never would have guessed that he is destined for a more-than-medium life.  

And then, one day, something incredibly strange happens to Mack. A three-thousand-year-old man named Grimluk appears in the boys' bathroom to deliver some startling news: Mack is one of the Magnificent Twelve, called the Magnifica in ancient times, whatever that means. An evil force is on its way, and it's up to Mack to track down eleven other twelve-year-olds in order to stop it. He must travel across the world to battle the wicked Pale Queen's dangerous daughter, Ereskigal—also known as Risky. But Risky sounds a little scary, and Mack doesn't want to be a hero. Will he answer the call?

BONUS BOOK: The lovely P.J. Hoover has generously offered a hardback of The Emerald Tablet to anyone who hasn't read it (so you won't be confused by reading the third book in the trilogy first).

Benjamin and his best friend Andy love being different from the other kids. They like being able to read each others minds and use their telekinesis to play tricks. In fact, they are getting set to spend their entire summer doing just that when Benjamin s mirror starts talking. Suddenly, he s looking at eight weeks of summer school someplace that can only be reached by a teleporter hidden in his hallway. And the summer only gets stranger.Nine of us came here. We look like you. We talk like you. We live among you. But we are not you. We can do things you dream of doing. We have powers you dream of having. We are stronger and faster than anything you have ever seen. We are the superheroes you worship in movies and comic books—but we are real.

At school, Benjamin discovers that he isn t really human but something called a telegen. It turns out that the powers he always thought made him special only make him normal. But then the mysterious Emerald Tablet chooses him as its champion, and all chances of a uneventful (well, as uneventful as summer school on a hidden, submerged continent can be) disappears.

PRIZE PACK 2

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire, has survived, even though her home has been destroyed. Gale has escaped. Katniss's family is safe. Peeta has been captured by the Capitol. District 13 really does exist. There are rebels. There are new leaders. A revolution is unfolding.

It is by design that Katniss was rescued from the arena in the cruel and haunting Quarter Quell, and it is by design that she has long been part of the revolution without knowing it. District 13 has come out of the shadows and is plotting to overthrow the Capitol. Everyone, it seems, has had a hand in the carefully laid plans -- except Katniss.

The success of the rebellion hinges on Katniss's willingness to be a pawn, to accept responsibility for countless lives, and to change the course of the future of Panem. To do this, she must put aside her feelings of anger and distrust. She must become the rebels' Mockingjay -- no matter what the personal cost.

 

ARC of I Am Number Four by Pittacus Lore

Our plan was to grow, and train, and become strong, and become one, and fight them. But they found us and started hunting us first. Now all of us are running. Spending our lives in shadows, in places where no one would look, blending in. we have lived among you without you knowing.
But they know.
They caught Number One in Malaysia.
Number Two in England.
And Number Three in Kenya.
They killed them all.
I am Number Four.
I am next.

To enter, fill out the form below, then come back here on October 30th to see if you've won. Good luck!