Happy Thanksgiving!!

To those of you celebrating, have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving. And stuff yourself full of turkey and pumpkin pie (or some equivalent). :)

 

Why Tough Love Is Crucial For Writers

This is a very interesting article on the realities of writing.

http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/why-tough-love-is-crucial-for-writers?et_mid=649315&rid=239628287

The more we can learn about craft, and I mean truly learn, the better off we'll be.

Enjoy.

Antigoddess by Kendare Blake

Old Gods never die…
Or so Athena thought. But then the feathers started sprouting beneath her skin, invading her lungs like a strange cancer, and Hermes showed up with a fever eating away his flesh. So much for living a quiet eternity in perpetual health.
Desperately seeking the cause of their slow, miserable deaths, Athena and Hermes travel the world, gathering allies and discovering enemies both new and old. Their search leads them to Cassandra—an ordinary girl who was once an extraordinary prophetess, protected and loved by a god.
These days, Cassandra doesn’t involve herself in the business of gods—in fact, she doesn’t even know they exist. But she could be the key in a war that is only just beginning.
Because Hera, the queen of the gods, has aligned herself with other of the ancient Olympians, who are killing off rivals in an attempt to prolong their own lives. But these anti-gods have become corrupted in their desperation to survive, horrific caricatures of their former glory. Athena will need every advantage she can get, because immortals don’t just flicker out.
Every one of them dies in their own way. Some choke on feathers. Others become monsters. All of them rage against their last breath.
The Goddess War is about to begin.

I loved Blake's first book, Anna Dressed In Blood, so I could not wait to get my hands on this one. Blake's writing is excellent, and she's great at giving just enough information to keep the reader intrigued. If you like Greek myth, this is probably the story for you. If you don't, you might still like it because the Greek gods are forced to taste mortality, and they don't like it. :)

Side note: if you don't know much about the story of the Trojan horse, Odysseus, or Apollo and Cassandra, look them up. I did, and I think I enjoyed this book far more because of it. It added a layer of depth for me that I totally enjoyed. You don't need to know the details, just the big picture will do.

The story is told mostly in two alternating perspectives: Cassandra and Athena. Even though Athena is thousands of years old, her personality works well in a YA story. All the gods in Greek myth behave like spoiled children at some point or other, and being immortal and all powerful isn't exactly a motivator to grow up, so to speak. It's not until they are faced with death that we see who is capable of maturing and who isn't. Athena has a mix of both, and I loved seeing her internal struggle with losing her powers, plus her growing respect for life.

Cassandra isn't nearly as interesting at first, but then we find out her history. There is another power at work inside Cassandra, and we don't find out what it is. But I was okay with that, and was content to see how everything was going to pan out. I wasn't disappointed, until the very end.

The things I found confusing were surrounding Apollo. The truth about him is accepted a little too easily. Which, all things considered, I can understand not wanting to dwell on it. But what happens to him in the end makes no sense. If it had to happen, then fine. But I need to understand it, and, no matter how many ways I look at it, I just don't. So it felt contrived and unnecessary instead of emotional and powerful. But that was the only part of the book that I didn't care for.

Still, I'm hooked and will definitely be reading the next book.

500 Word Critique: MG Fantasy

Here's a recent critique of a story submitted by Daniel Klock. If you want to learn more about him or his story, you can visit him at his website, www.Fatherchristmasbook.com.

***
Fraud at Snowfields

This time Annabel leaned forwards and operated the screen. She closed the current job and opened the next one.

‘“Job 03, Area B3, Code yellow-2”,’ she read aloud.

‘Good. That’s not far from here. Off we go.’

And they took off again.

Contractus turned partly round to them again and said, ‘As you know a yellow-2 is a bit more challenging, so I’ll handle it, especially since we already have another job waiting and have to hurry. But you can help, of course.’

‘Okay,’ replied Will and Annabel in unison, and Will cer­tainly did not mind. He was happy just to watch and learn how to handle the different jobs. Because, he real­ised, even if they had trained and practised at school, be­ing out there and doing the job for real was quite a bit dif­ferent.

Soon they had reached their destination and Will could see the problem. Just as the code implied, the presents were all scattered around at the far back of the garden of the house. One was even up a tree; another one was stuck in the branches of a bush. Contractus hurriedly performed the cover spell on the sleigh and on himself, then jumped down from the sleigh as soon as it had slid to a stop. He hurried over to the scattered parcels, closely followed by Will and Annabel, covered once more by Annabel’s spell.

When they reached the presents, Contractus took out his wand, swept it around in a wide circle to include all the pack­ages, and performed the rather complicated spell that would re­locate them to the inside of the house, dir­ectly underneath the Christmas tree. Will was impressed by the ease and grace with which Contractus performed the spell. Annabel—and Sabrina of course—could probably have matched it, but Will could still well remember his first tries with the spells in the training area at school. He certainly had not managed to relocate the presents, but had ended up with them scattered even more about the place than when he had started.

Meanwhile the presents had disappeared, and there was no trace of them left in the snow. Contractus looked pleased, and led Will and Annabel over to the house. There he waved his wand again in the pattern of a com­plicated spell that Will did not know, and part of the wall in front of them turned transpar­ent, so they were looking directly at the Christmas tree inside the living room and could see that the presents were arranged neatly under­neath it.

‘Wow,’ Annabel said. ‘That’s a fabulous spell. I’d like to learn that one!’

Contractus smiled. ‘Yes, it can be very helpful indeed. But it’s quite complicated, and unfortunately has much potential for misuse, so I’m afraid it will be some time be­fore you’ll learn it.’

‘Oh.’ Annabel looked rather disappointed.

‘Let’s go back. We’re done here, and we already have the next job waiting.’

Will was the first to climb back onto the sleigh. He quickly closed the current job and opened the next one.
***

And here's my comments:

***
Fraud at Snowfields

This time Annabel leaned forwards and operated (a little awkward; perhaps 'to operate'?) the screen. She closed the current job and opened the next one.

‘“Job 03, Area B3, Code yellow-2”,’ she read aloud.

‘Good. That’s not far from here. Off we go.’

And they took off again.

Contractus turned partly round to them again and said, ‘As you know a yellow-2 is a bit more challenging, so I’ll handle it, especially since we already have another job waiting and have to hurry. But you can help, of course.’

‘Okay,’ replied Will and Annabel in unison, and Will cer­tainly did not mind. He was happy just to watch and learn how to handle the different jobs. Because, he realized (these are filter words, which aren't necessary and put a barrier between the reader and the story), even if they had trained and practised at school, be­ing out there and doing the job for real was quite a bit dif­ferent.

Soon they had reached their destination and Will could see the problem (this tells us what you're about to show us, so it's not needed). Just as the code implied, the presents were all scattered around at the far back of the garden of the house. One was even up a tree; (change to comma, then revise the rest of the sentence) another one was stuck in the branches of a bush. Contractus hurriedly performed the cover spell on the sleigh and on himself, then jumped down from the sleigh as soon as it had slid to a stop. He hurried over (how does this look? Does he trip over anything? Does he stumble through the snow? How does Contractus hurry? His actions will show us more of his character.) to the scattered parcels, closely followed by Will and Annabel, covered once more by Annabel’s spell.

When they reached the presents, Contractus took out his wand, swept it around in a wide circle to include all the pack­ages, and performed the rather complicated spell that would re­locate them to the inside of the house, dir­ectly underneath the Christmas tree. Will was impressed (this tells us he's impressed. Instead, give him some internal dialog so you can show us he's impressed, and what, exactly, impressed him) by the ease and grace with which Contractus performed the spell (show us this ease and grace as he's doing it--easy flick of his wand, hardly needed to say the incantation, the presents responded as if eager to please him, etc. Let us see his action instead of telling us that he's doing something). Annabel—and Sabrina of course—could probably have matched it, but Will could still well remember his first tries with the spells in the training area at school (this isn't needed; the next sentence gives us the same information, but far more effectively). He certainly had not managed to relocate the presents, but had ended up with them scattered even more about the place than when he had started.

Meanwhile the presents had disappeared, and there was no trace of them left in the snow. Contractus looked pleased (how does this look? How does Contractus show pleasure? Does he smirk? Shake his hips in a victory dance? Nod his head once? Different people show pleasure in different ways, so show us what Contractus does, and it will show us what kind of person he is), and led Will and Annabel over to the house. There he waved his wand again in the pattern of a com­plicated spell (what kind of pattern? A figure eight? A bunch of criss-crossing lines? Give us some basic idea of how the wand moved, even if Will can't catch all the details. He'll still catch some basics, and then we'll get a clear image in our heads) that Will did not know, and part of the wall in front of them turned transpar­ent, so they were looking directly at the Christmas tree inside the living room and could see (filtering words and not necessary) that the presents were arranged neatly under­neath it.

‘Wow,’ Annabel said. ‘That’s a fabulous spell. I’d like to learn that one!’

Contractus smiled. ‘Yes, it can be very helpful indeed. But it’s quite complicated, and unfortunately has much potential for misuse, so I’m afraid it will be some time be­fore you’ll learn it.’

‘Oh.’ Annabel looked rather disappointed (how does this look? Again, different people show disappointment in different ways, and these details show us what kind of person Annabel is. Give her specific actions, and we'll get her emotions from that).

‘Let’s go back. We’re done here, and we already have the next job waiting.’

Will was the first to climb back onto the sleigh. He quickly closed the current job and opened the next one.
***

What a cool idea! I'm curious to know more about the world, as well as how Will and Annabel came to be in a sleigh helping to fix Christmas presents. Also, how the presents ended up so messed up in the first place.

I think you mostly need to focus on bringing more action to your characters. Body language, facial expressions, small actions, etc. These details will bring more life to your characters, make them feel more realistic, and engage your reader more.

I hope this was helpful. Happy writing!!
 

All the Truth That's In Me by Julie Berry

Four years ago, Judith and her best friend disappeared from their small town of Roswell Station. Two years ago, only Judith returned, permanently mutilated, reviled and ignored by those who were once her friends and family. Unable to speak, Judith lives like a ghost in her own home, silently pouring out her thoughts to the boy who’s owned her heart as long as she can remember—even if he doesn’t know it—her childhood friend, Lucas. But when Roswell Station is attacked, long-buried secrets come to light, and Judith is forced to choose: continue to live in silence, or recover her voice, even if it means changing her world, and the lives around her, forever.

When I first picked up this book, I had no idea it was historical. This story takes place during settler-like time: Roswell Station is a farming community, there is no electricity or amenities, and the school is one big room with one teacher teaching all grades levels. The summary didn’t really convey this, so I was a little surprised once I figured it out. It didn’t take long, and I settled into it nicely.

The story is told in second person, to Judith’s childhood friend, Lucas. She has loved him for as long as she can remember, but her disappearance, and her resulting inability to speak, has put some distance between them. I really enjoyed watching Judith grow throughout this story. She starts out practically worshipping Lucas, believing him to be perfect, but then she figures out that he’s human, makes mistakes, and is no better or worse than most other people in Roswell Station. She gets there slowly and realistically, and finds herself along the way.

The details behind her abduction are slowly revealed as well. We get just enough information to answer a few questions, and just enough teasers to keep us reading. I could not put this book down because I had to know the full story. And, once all is revealed, the details are both surprising and expected. There are tiny clues planted throughout that make perfect sense once we get to the end.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book and its characters. Definitely recommended.

Revision: Less Is More

So, you’ve written a book and you’re ready to polish your words until they shine. And then you hear the phrase “Less is more.” But what does that mean? This is one of the mantras all writers have heard, but it’s not always explained.

The short answer is that you don’t write three words where one will do. Okay, but doesn’t that risk making your writing flat and lifeless? Possibly. It all depends on which words you choose, and that’s pretty much the key to all good writing. You choose the words that work hard to convey exactly what you have in mind. This means that you don’t use three sufficient words if you can use one perfect word.

For example:
1) He quietly went up the stairs, so afraid that Dad would kill him if he knew what time it was.
2) He slunk up the stairs. Dad would kill him if he knew what time it was.

The words in the first example don’t work very hard. They convey the same meaning, but not as sharply. The second example does the same job in fewer words, and they bring us closer into the story.

The first sentence also has a filler word: ‘so.’ Words like but, and, just, really, very, like, so, etc. aren’t necessary most of the time. Sometimes they fit the voice of the main character, but should still be used sparingly. A little bit goes a long way.

There are also words that do double duty by describing something that’s already descriptive. Such as: tall skyscraper, whispered quietly, frozen ice, descended down, scribbled messily, etc. In each of these cases, only one word is required. The real difficulty is finding the exact words that work for your scene. In most cases, it’s finding the verb that conveys the action you’re looking for, *plus* the emotion associated with the scene.

Some of you may have noticed that, in the examples above, the first sentence is telling and the second is showing. If you did, good for you! :) It’s what exceptional writing comes down to, actually: words that show you the scene and evoke emotion in the reader. The best way to do this is to use fewer words so that the ones you do use work really hard to convey your meaning. It’s rare that you find these words the first time around, so don’t despair! Instead, embrace another mantra: try, try again. And you’ll get there in the end. :)