Winner of the August Reading Challenge Giveaway!!

It's the last day of August, so it's time to announce the winner of this month's Reading Challenge giveaway!

So, the winner of these books is...

Jenna!!

Congratulations!! I'll get your books out to you asap. As for everyone else, next month's reading challenge giveaway will be announced tomorrow morning. And my regular monthly giveaway will be announced this saturday. So stop on by to enter!

Challenge: Describe The Senses

Description. Some writers love it, some hate it. Some overuse it, some don’t have enough. Most often, though, I think the right amount exists, but it’s light on a very important element: the senses.

The most common sense used in stories is sight. It’s often reinforced through filtering words like I saw, I watched, I noticed, etc. But there are four other senses: smell, taste, touch, hearing.

In the real world, we use these senses without even thinking about it. The most common is sight, of course. Then hearing. I don’t know about you, but I love my sense for tasting. Good food is high on my list when going out for some fun. And who doesn’t like the feel of soft fabrics sliding through their fingers? Or the smell of cookies baking, or flowers in spring? Each sense is as important as the next, and we need to consciously include them all in our stories.

The best way to convey information through senses is directly. I.E., without any kind of filter. Telling us that “James felt cold” doesn’t give us a sense of how cold he is. Is it a slight shiver? Are his teeth chattering? Are his fingers turning numb? These details paint a more vivid picture in the reader’s mind. The stronger the senses come across, the more the reader can put himself in the character’s shoes.

This, incidentally, is a large part of how you transport the reader into the story. The key to this is how the character experiences the sense. If you use filtering words like I saw, I heard, I smelled, etc, then you’re keeping the reader from accessing a huge dimension of your story. So, instead of filtering the senses, try to give the reader full access to them by showing them how the senses unfold.

When we walk outside, we are aware of lots of things. We don’t often pay attention to it all, but we’re aware on some level. If someone asked us about a detail later on, we’d probably be able to remember it if we tried, even though we initially shrugged it off. The same needs to be true for our characters. The details that will become important later on need to be noticed and recorded in the moment. When the dots are connected later on, the reader will understand.

Challenge:

Take a simple action like stepping out of a car, getting in the shower, walking outside, etc, and write it using all five senses. Feel free to go nuts and make it a full page long. Just keep the action restricted to that one simple thing.

Feel free to share your work here in the comments, or keep it to yourself. Your choice.

Winner of the August Book Giveaway!

It's already time to annouce the winner of this month's book giveaway. Time sure does fly. Of course, I've been busy writing, so I'm sure that has something to do with it. :)

Anyway, on to the winner of these books...

Throuthehaze!!

Congratulations!! I'll get your books out to you asap.

As for everyone else, there is another contest still going until wednesday, so feel free to enter if you like. Otherwise, come back next saturday to see what I'm giving away next month!

Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

Cas Lowood has inherited an unusual vocation: He kills the dead.

So did his father before him, until he was gruesomely murdered by a ghost he sought to kill. Now, armed with his father's mysterious and deadly athame, Cas travels the country with his kitchen-witch mother and their spirit-sniffing cat. Together they follow legends and local lore, trying to keep up with the murderous dead—keeping pesky things like the future and friends at bay.

When they arrive in a new town in search of a ghost the locals call Anna Dressed in Blood, Cas doesn't expect anything outside of the ordinary: track, hunt, kill. What he finds instead is a girl entangled in curses and rage, a ghost like he's never faced before. She still wears the dress she wore on the day of her brutal murder in 1958: once white, now stained red and dripping with blood. Since her death, Anna has killed any and every person who has dared to step into the deserted Victorian she used to call home.

But she, for whatever reason, spares Cas's life.

This is one of the best ghost stories I've read in a long time. The scenes are vivid, the tone is creepier than all-get-out, and the characters are fun. And the cover? Stunning.

I liked Cas's smart mouth and keen observations. Anna is a great character, too. Much more complex than your typical ghost. She does a fabulous job of putting Cas in his place. I absolutely *loved* how Anna’s story and Cas’s father’s story intersect. Stories that twist around in unexpected ways are my favorite kind. :)

There is so much I want to gush about in this story, but I’m worried about giving too much away. So I’ll limit myself. :) The pacing is spot-on, the clues are subtle and well-placed, and I absolutely could not put this book down. And, can I just say I think it’s awesome that Cas has a great mom? It’s so refreshing to see decent parents in YA stories.

There were only a few places where I was hoping for more, a resolution with Gideon being the biggest. Considering the way their last conversation surrounding Cas’s father ended, I was hoping to see another interaction between Cas and Gideon. If only at the very end. And, the whole Carmel/Thomas thing was predictable from the start, but I was okay with that. The ‘how’ made for a great journey.

The story is on the gory side. When you combine that with the great writing, you get some vividly gory scenes in your head. I’m not big on gore, but I was still okay with it. But if gore definitely isn’t your thing, then this might not be the story for you. Also, the f-bomb is dropped a few times, along with some other swear words and a scene depicting horrible abuse.

Still, if you like ghost stories, this is a really good one. Definitely recommended.

For a chance to win an ARC of this book, go here and fill out the form. The contest ends this saturday, so good luck!

A Bunch of Articles on Plot

My blog is about three and a half years old, and in that time I've written over 500 articles and book reviews. 500! I never would have thought I'd have so much to say on the craft of writing.

Last year, several readers told me that they've enjoyed some of my older posts, but had stumbled upon them by accident because, let's face it, navigating older content in a blog isn't exactly fun. So, I created a page with a link to all my craft-related articles, and got many thank-you's.

But even that list has become cumbersome. So, I decided to try something new. I'm taking all my articles, sorting them by subject, and putting them into pdf form for download.

I just finished the first one, which is about plot and plot-related things like tension, conflict, pacing, etc. It's available for download on my website. I will gradually be adding more, though now that I have a format the rest should fall into place fairly easily. :)

Anyway, enjoy, and I hope this is something you'll find useful.

Tighter by Adele Griffin

When 17-year-old Jamie arrives on the idyllic New England island of Little Bly to work as a summer au pair, she is stunned to learn of the horror that precedes her. Seeking the truth surrounding a young couple's tragic deaths, Jamie discovers that she herself looks shockingly like the dead girl—and that she has a disturbing ability to sense the two ghosts. Why is Jamie's connection to the couple so intense? What really happened last summer at Little Bly? As the secrets of the house wrap tighter and tighter around her, Jamie must navigate the increasingly blurred divide between the worlds of the living and the dead.

I love stories like this, where there’s an amazing twist at the end. Especially when the story has been well researched, meticulously plotted, and executed to perfection.

Tighter was definitely well researched, and the story was vividly created. The explanation of the ghosts was interesting and believable, as is Jamie’s reactions to them.

The story was also meticulously plotted, but the execution left me feeling kind of lukewarm. It didn't feel like it had been seamlessly put together. At least, not the way I've seen in other stories, where amazing clues are subtly planted throughout the story, and then click into place the second the twist is revealed. It’s like the entire book has been sitting under a veil, and, once you know what to look for, you can see the clues shining right through that veil.

The clues in Tighter were there, but they weren’t in the right places. As a result, it felt like the story was progressing as if nothing else was going on, with no foreshadowing. When the big twist was revealed, my reaction wasn't "Oh wow, I didn't see that coming, but it totally fits!" Instead, it was "What? But that doesn’t make any sense." I then proceeded to flip back through the story to look for inconsistencies. To the author's credit, I didn't find any. However, I didn't find any clues from a reliable source, either. The story just goes along with the status quo until everything is turned upside down. I wish the foreshadowing had been done better.

I've said this before, but it's easy to fool someone you don't know. If I've never seen the sky and a stranger tells me it's green, then I have no reason to doubt him. But if he leaves me a sliver of inconsistency, then I can eventually figure it out. And, I can also appreciate all the creative ways he built up and reinforced that deception. Without that shadow of a doubt, I have no reason to question anything. Therefore, when the truth is revealed, I won't be in the proper place to understand its significance. For me, this is what happened in Tighter. I wasn’t in the proper place to fully appreciate the twist at the end.

If this doesn’t bother you, then you’ll probably like this story. For me, endings are my pet peeve, and I need a big payoff. So it brought my enjoyment down a big notch.

Transitions In A Story

I’m terrible at transitions. They don’t come naturally to me, and are never in my first drafts. As a result, the story kind of clunks and skips along until the end. It’s very annoying.

Once I get that first draft down, I can apply myself and highlight the areas that need smoothing out. Then I can usually figure out how to get rid of those seams.

There are two types of transitions that I can see: between scenes (aka getting your character from one place to the next, either physically or mentally), and chapter endings.

Chapter Endings

Many people have trouble with chapter endings. A lot of writers like to end a chapter on a cliffhanger so as to entice the reader to keep going. That usually works, but most often it’s only effective in the second half of the story. The tension has ratcheted up by then, and there are usually several irons in the fire that have hooked the reader.

But what about the first half of the book? There isn’t as much tension and the reader isn’t as invested in the story, so there isn’t as much incentive to keep reading. So how do we keep the reader interested?

The most common mistake I see writers make is wrapping up a chapter so well that it kills the forward momentum of the story. If there is no hint as to what might happen next, then the book is too easy to set down. When you don’t have a suitable cliffhanger, you can still introduce elements that keep the reader questioning. Or, at the very least, end the chapter with a direction that the main character might take. If the reader has an inkling of what could happen next, then it’ll be harder to put the book down.

Between Scenes

For me, this is harder because there is no rule of thumb. No solid rule of thumb, anyway, since there are so many different kinds of scenes to transition between. I’ll cover the two most common ones here: getting from place to place, and the passage of time.

It’s a bit easier to transition from place to place because you can include the traveling in the story. Especially if the main character needs to mentally sort some things out on the way. If there isn’t a clean way to include the traveling, though, then the simplest way is to describe the new setting. To keep it from sounding like a laundry list, focus on how the new setting affects the character. This does two things: it gives the reader a good visual so he knows where we are, and it also sets the tone for the upcoming scene. Both get the reader prepared in good ways.

The passage of time is a bit trickier. Most often, I see writers continue on with the story as if it’s only the next day, but really an entire week has gone by. Or, the writer throws in a quick sentence telling us how much time has gone by, but it’s not in the most effective place.

Here’s how I see this kind of transition. Before you get into the scene, mention how much time has gone by. If the reader gets several paragraphs into the scene and then you spring on him that a week or a month has gone by, he has to stop the story in his head, mentally adjust, and then try to get back into it. He may even need to reread everything, depending on what kind of reader he is. If he knows from the start how much time has passed, then all of this can be avoided.

I think the easiest way to write the passage of time is at the beginning of a new chapter. At that point, the reader is already expecting some kind of change, so he’ll be open and ready to adjust to whatever you lay out for him. If you slap a few extra weeks into the middle of a chapter, he may or may not be able to roll with it. It depends on the story and scene, of course, since there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to writing. :)

Anyway, these are, for the most part, what I focus on when I’m smoothing out my transitions. It’s not always this clear cut, but that’s a common circumstance in writing. :) How do you write your transitions?

Moonglass by Jesse Kirby

“I read once that water is a symbol for emotions. And for a while now, I've thought maybe my mother drowned in both.”

Anna's life is upended when her father accepts a job transfer the summer before her junior year. It's bad enough that she has to leave her friends and her life behind, but her dad is moving them to the beach where her parents first met and fell in love- a place awash in memories that Anna would just as soon leave under the surface.

While life on the beach is pretty great, with ocean views and one adorable lifeguard in particular, there are also family secrets that were buried along the shore years ago. And the ebb and flow of the ocean's tide means that nothing- not the sea glass that she collects on the sand and not the truths behind Anna's mother's death- stays buried forever.

This book felt reminiscent of waves crashing on the shore. On some level, it’s quiet and relaxing, but on others it’s harsh and unpredictable. Anna’s life has the same kind of ups and downs that the beach can have, and it made the story quite compelling.

The tone was that of a quiet book, and it had some pretty deep concepts in it: loss, guilt, avoidance, mental illness, etc. I thought the characters dealt with these emotions in realistic and believable ways, and, as a result, I liked them. I especially liked the relationship between Anna and her dad. This felt more real than anything else in the story. Anna’s dad is a good father, and his character as a grown up fits well with who he was as a kid.

I wasn't so fond of Tyler, though. He kind of treated her like a high school girl after a college boy in the beginning. It gave me the impression that he thinks he's ‘all that,’ even though later on he shows us he’s not that way. But I never grew to like him, even when he got nicer in the end.

I really liked Ash and Jillian. They’re good friends to Anna. I would have liked to see a bit more bonding with Jillian since they have experienced similar loss. I also would have preferred that Anna treated Ash a little better, seeing as Ash went out of her way to make Anna feel at home in several ways. Ash is kind of more than Anna deserves.

Still, this is a good story that deals with some difficult issues in a very good way. The beach descriptions were vivid and interesting, and I was wishing I was actually on the beach while reading this book. :) There is one scene with drinking and a couple kissing scenes, but even those are quite PG. So, the content is good for younger teens as well as older ones.

Inspirational Quotes

I had a great post that I wanted to put up today, but I'm elbow-deep in revisions and didn't get it finished. So, I have some more great quotes for you to peruse in the mean time. Enjoy!

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.

- Cyril Connolly

You can't sit around and wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

- Jack London

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.

- Samuel Johnson

Rewriting is like scrubbing the basement floor with a toothbrush.

- Pete Murphy

There is no great writing, only great rewriting.

- Justice Brandeis

Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just get up and go to work.

- Chuck Close

Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise the muscles seize up.

- Jane Yolen, Merlin

Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life.

- Lawrence Kasdan

There are some books that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It isn't because the book is not there and worth being written — it is only because the right form of the story does not present itself. There is only one right form for a story and if you fail to find that form the story will not tell itself.

- Mark Twain

The secret of good writing is to say an old thing in a new way or to say a new thing in an old way.

- Richard Harding Davis

Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost what it feels about dogs.

- John Osborne

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they are unable to do it themselves.

- Brendan Francis

Artists don't talk about art. Artists talk about work. If I have anything to say to young writers, it's stop thinking of writing as art. Think of it as work.

- Paddy Chayefsky

Writing is like hunting. There are brutally cold afternoons with nothing in sight, only the wind and your breaking heart. Then the moment when you bag something big. The entire process is beyond intoxicating.

- Kate Braverman

August Book Giveaway

Another month, more books! I've got two more to give away.

ARC of Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

Cas Lowood has inherited an unusual vocation: He kills the dead.

So did his father before him, until he was gruesomely murdered by a ghost he sought to kill. Now, armed with his father's mysterious and deadly athame, Cas travels the country with his kitchen-witch mother and their spirit-sniffing cat. Together they follow legends and local lore, trying to keep up with the murderous dead—keeping pesky things like the future and friends at bay.

When they arrive in a new town in search of a ghost the locals call Anna Dressed in Blood, Cas doesn't expect anything outside of the ordinary: track, hunt, kill. What he finds instead is a girl entangled in curses and rage, a ghost like he's never faced before. She still wears the dress she wore on the day of her brutal murder in 1958: once white, now stained red and dripping with blood. Since her death, Anna has killed any and every person who has dared to step into the deserted Victorian she used to call home.

But she, for whatever reason, spares Cas's life.

Enclave by Ann Aguirre

In Deuce's world, people earn the right to a name only if they survive their first fifteen years. By that point, each unnamed 'brat' has trained into one of three groups-Breeders, Builders, or Hunters, identifiable by the number of scars they bear on their arms. Deuce has wanted to be a Huntress for as long as she can remember.

As a Huntress, her purpose is clear--to brave the dangerous tunnels outside the enclave and bring back meat to feed the group while evading ferocious monsters known as Freaks. She's worked toward this goal her whole life, and nothing's going to stop her, not even a beautiful, brooding Hunter named Fade. When the mysterious boy becomes her partner, Deuce's troubles are just beginning.

Down below, deviation from the rules is punished swiftly and harshly, and Fade doesn't like following orders. At first she thinks he's crazy, but as death stalks their sanctuary, and it becomes clear the elders don't always know best, Deuce wonders if Fade might be telling the truth. Her partner confuses her; she's never known a boy like him before, as prone to touching her gently as using his knives with feral grace.

As Deuce's perception shifts, so does the balance in the constant battle for survival. The mindless Freaks, once considered a threat only due to their sheer numbers, show signs of cunning and strategy... but the elders refuse to heed any warnings. Despite imminent disaster, the enclave puts their faith in strictures and sacrifice instead. No matter how she tries, Deuce cannot stem the dark tide that carries her far from the only world she's ever known.

To enter, fill out the form below and then come back on Saturday, August 27th to see if you've won. Good luck!

Hourglass by Myra McEntire

For seventeen-year-old Emerson Cole, life is about seeing what isn’t there: swooning Southern Belles; soldiers long forgotten; a haunting jazz trio that vanishes in an instant. Plagued by phantoms since her parents’ death, she just wants the apparitions to stop so she can be normal. She’s tried everything, but the visions keep coming back.

So when her well-meaning brother brings in a consultant from a secretive organization called the Hourglass, Emerson’s willing to try one last cure. But meeting Michael Weaver may not only change her future, it may change her past.

Who is this dark, mysterious, sympathetic guy, barely older than Emerson herself, who seems to believe every crazy word she says? Why does an electric charge seem to run through the room whenever he’s around? And why is he so insistent that he needs her help to prevent a death that never should have happened?

I was stoked when I got this book. It sounded fantastic, with so many possibilities for plot twists and edge-of-your-seat conflict. It started out interesting, and I liked learning about Emerson, her strange abilities, and how they affect her. She’s got a good family, a great sister in law and her brother’s heart is in the right place. And the cover? Stunning. I was all set to love this book.

Once Michael was introduced, though, things started going a little strange and their ‘connection’ smacks a bit too much of love at first sight, which is not my cup of tea. Plus, the sister in law seems to be trying her hardest to set the two up even though it’s against her husband’s wishes. I didn’t quite get that one. I also didn’t understand why Michael kept saying that they couldn’t be together because it’s too dangerous, and yet there’s another couple in the story with their exact situation and they managed it just fine. Seemed like a contrived way to keep them apart.

I really did not like the love triangle thing. It was yet more love-at-first-sight (which, of course, isn’t love), and the two guys are supposed to be friends. I didn’t understand that at all. The guys have been friends for so long, and they seem too close for one to be so heartless to the other. Seemed like a contrived way to create tension.

As the story progressed, I had more and more issues with Emerson. She was initially drawn as a strong heroine, but she ends up focusing all her thoughts and energy on Michael—the sun rises and sets with him, and that drives me crazy. I realize some teens think this way, but they’re not being thrust into dangerous situations. Survival would take precedence here, so it bothered me that Emerson spent so much time mooning over Michael and so little time trying to figure out how to gain some semblance of control over her abilities. Or even learning more about what elements create such abilities in people. She did little to no exploration in that regard, which I found both unrealistic and disappointing.

Overall, I was hoping for so much more in the character development, as well as more realistic obstacles that Emerson needed to overcome. Her brother believed the time travel thing too easily, and no one seemed to have any concerns about her traveling through time. The ending also felt like a distinct setup for the sequel rather than tying up the current story, so, for me, it didn’t finish on a good note.

I think I’ll still read the next book, but I do hope the characters have a bit more to them and that the tension is more organic to the story.

500 Word Critique: MG Fantasy

It's been a while since someone has sent me a critique with permission to post it here, and a fourteen year old girl has stepped up to the plate!

I've included her story without my comments first, so as not to sway anyone's reactions, and then pasted  my feedback below. If you have a moment, I'm sure she'd love it if you could share some thoughts.

MG Fantasy

~Prologue~

Twelve years ago, on the night of December 31st, six newborn baby girls were sat on the steps of Creek Academy. All were wrapped in a separate blanket, and each one had a different colored necklace on. A young girl of twelve years old found the babies that night and quickly brought them inside to get warm.

“What will we do with Mrs. Martin?” The young girl asked the headmaster.

“We will raise them here, of course,” Mrs. Martin said, “They will be kept in the nursery until they are old enough to go to school. Creek Academy will turn away no one, especially an innocent baby. Isn’t that the right thing to do, Annie?”

“Yes, Mrs. Martin.”

Mrs. Martin sighed and stroked the cheek of one of the babies.

“Annie, are you positive that there was no note on the steps when you found the children? Nothing explaining why they were left here?”

“I am sure.” Annie replied.

“Alright. Thank you for all you have done. Why don’t you head back to the dormitories and get some rest. Goodnight, dear.”

Annie took one last look at all the sweet baby girls and left the headmaster’s office. Once she was safely upstairs in her bed, she pulled a piece of paper out of her robes pockets.

“Alright, babies,” She said while unfolding the note, “Where did you come from?”

~1~

THE NOTE THAT ANNIE READ

~

I thought that it was going to be a normal Monday at Creek Academy.

I would wake up, get dressed, go to my classes, and do my homework with my five best friends in the evening.

Boy, was I wrong.

The day started out pretty normal. I ate breakfast with Tacie, Charlotte, Avery, Gabriella, and Carol. We laughed about the oatmeal that Avery got on her nose, and then we headed off to class.

First, I had math with Mr. Gee. While he was teaching, I passed notes with Avery and Carol.

The next class kept me and all of my friends very interested. It was English with Ms. Allen.

My friends and I all shared the same dream: we all wanted to be writers. Ms. Allen supported us in our hopes and she taught us all that a writer would need to know.

“Morning Annie.” I said when we arrived.

“Good morning, Ms. Allen. Just because I am the favorite teacher does not mean I have to get casual with my students.”

I apologized and took a seat.

English was wonderful as usual, but something strange happened at the end of the class. Right as we were leaving, a piece of paper hit me in the back. On the front, my name was printed on it in simple handwriting. As I picked it up and began to unfold it, Ms. Allen ran over and snatched it out of my hands.

“Sorry Aubrey,” She said to me, “This must have slipped out of my hands.”

I was sure it was mine.

“But, Ms. Allen, it has my name on it.”

Ms. Allen glanced down at the note and read my name.

“Oh, would you look at that, it does! Well, I’m sorry Aubrey, it may have your name on it, but I assure that it is not for you. Hurry along to French, dear. I’ll see you at assembly.”

I hesitated before turning and leaving the classroom.

Avery was waiting outside for me. “There you are! The rest of the girls wanted to wait for you, but I told them to go on. What were you doing in there?”

I must have looked pretty confused, because Avery was looking at me like I was a pickle.

“Oh, nothing, I was just, um, talking to Ms. Allen about my novel. That’s all.”

Avery relaxed. “Oh, well okay. Come on, if we’re late to French, Mademoiselle Cheri will be de colere. That means angry, right? Oh who cares, come on let’s go!”

We arrived at French class just in time to watch a video about Paris. Even though I normally loved French, my mind was wandering.

Why did Ms. Allen act so worried about the note? Why would she not let me read it, even though it clearly had my name on it? And most importantly, what did the note say?

What I didn’t know then was that I was going to find out very soon.

~~

My Comments:

~Prologue~

Twelve years ago, on the night of December 31st, six newborn baby girls were sat (placed?) on the steps of Creek Academy. All were wrapped in a separate blanket, and each one had (wore) a different colored necklace on (to avoid ending the sentence in a preposition). A young girl of twelve years old found the babies that night and quickly brought them inside to get warm.

“What will we do with (them), Mrs. Martin?” The young girl asked the headmaster.

“We will raise them here, of course,” Mrs. Martin said, “They will be kept in the nursery until they are old enough to go to school. Creek Academy will turn away no one, especially an innocent baby. Isn’t that the right thing to do, Annie?”

“Yes, Mrs. Martin.”

Mrs. Martin sighed and stroked the cheek of one of the babies.

“Annie, are you positive that there was no note on the steps when you found the children? Nothing explaining why they were left here?”

“I am sure.” Annie replied.

“Alright. Thank you for all you have done. Why don’t you head back to the dormitories and get some rest. Goodnight, dear.”

Annie took one last look at all the sweet baby girls and left the headmaster’s office. Once she was safely upstairs in her bed, she pulled a piece of paper out of her robes pockets.

“Alright, babies,” She said while unfolding the note, “Where did you come from?"

~~

Interesting! I’m curious to see why Annie would hide the note, especially before reading it. If there was something disturbing or scary in it, then I can see her being worried for the baby girls and wanting to make sure Mrs. Martin doesn’t turn them away. But why would she hide the note before reading it?

~1~

THE NOTE THAT ANNIE READ

~

I thought that it was going to be a normal Monday at Creek Academy.

I would wake up, get dressed, go to my classes, and do my homework with my five best friends in the evening.

Boy, was I wrong.

The day started out pretty normal. I ate breakfast with Tacie, Charlotte, Avery, Gabriella, and Carol. We laughed about the oatmeal that Avery got on her nose, and then we headed off to class.

First, I had math with Mr. Gee. While he was teaching, I passed notes with Avery and Carol.

The next class kept me and all of my friends very interested. It was English with Ms. Allen.

My friends and I all shared the same dream: we all wanted to be writers. Ms. Allen supported us in our hopes and she taught us all that a writer would need to know.

“Morning Annie.” I said when we arrived. (Interesting twist)

“Good morning, Ms. Allen. Just because I am the favorite teacher does not mean I have to get casual with my students.”

I apologized and took a seat.

English was wonderful as usual, but something strange happened at the end of the class. Right as we were leaving, a piece of paper hit me in the back (this is the note, right? The one Annie hid? I’m wondering if it’s enchanted). On the front, my name was printed on it in simple handwriting. As I picked it up and began to unfold it, Ms. Allen ran over and snatched it out of my hands.

“Sorry Aubrey,” She said to me, “This must have slipped out of my hands.”

(What is Annie’s expression here? Is she surprised? Exasperated? Has this note been trying to get to Aubrey or the other girls, and has she been having a hard time keeping it secured? If we can get more of Annie’s body language, then we’ll have a stronger handle on her emotions. Then, this scene will have a stronger tie to the prologue)

I was sure it was mine. (How is she sure? Does she feel drawn to the note?)

“But, Ms. Allen, it has my name on it.”

Ms. Allen glanced down at the note and read my name.

“Oh, would you look at that, it does! Well, I’m sorry Aubrey, it may have your name on it, but I assure that it is not for you. Hurry along to French, dear. I’ll see you at assembly.”

I hesitated before turning and leaving the classroom.

Avery was waiting outside for me. “There you are! The rest of the girls wanted to wait for you, but I told them to go on. What were you doing in there?”

I must have looked pretty confused, because Avery was looking at me like I was a pickle. (funny)

“Oh, nothing, I was just, um, talking to Ms. Allen about my novel. That’s all.”

Avery relaxed. “Oh, well okay. Come on, if we’re late to French, Mademoiselle Cheri will be de colere. That means angry, right? Oh who cares, come on let’s go!”

We arrived at French class just in time to watch a video about Paris. Even though I normally loved French, my mind was wandering.

Why did Ms. Allen act so worried about the note? Why would she not let me read it, even though it clearly had my name on it? And most importantly, what did the note say?

What I didn’t know then was that I was going to find out very soon.

~~

This is a very interesting start to your story. You’ve got intrigue, some possible magic, a mystery, and a tangible item to answer some questions, as well as introduce others. I think that if you clear up Annie’s motivations for keeping the note a secret, then you’ll have an incredible hook!

Something to think about: these girls feel older than twelve. In the prologue, it says they arrived at the school as newborns twelve years ago, so they're twelve, right? They feel more like fourteen to me.

What did the rest of you think? Anyone have any words of advice for this fabulous young lady?

100 Book Reading Challenge: August

NOTE: Be sure to read the contest rules below before entering, even if you've entered in the past. Some folks' entries have been nullified in the past, and I want everyone to have a fair chance at winning.

I've got two ARCs to give away this month.

ARC of Ashtown Burials #1: The Dragon's Tooth by N.D. Wilson

For two years, Cyrus and Antigone Smith have run a sagging roadside motel with their older brother, Daniel. Nothing ever seems to happen. Then a strange old man with bone tattoos arrives, demanding a specific room.

Less than 24 hours later, the old man is dead. The motel has burned, and Daniel is missing. And Cyrus and Antigone are kneeling in a crowded hall, swearing an oath to an order of explorers who have long served as caretakers of the world's secrets, keepers of powerful relics from lost civilizations, and jailers to unkillable criminals who have terrorized the world for millennia.

ARC of Down the Mysterly River by Bill Willingham

Max “the Wolf” is a top notch Boy Scout, an expert at orienteering and a master of being prepared. So it is a little odd that he suddenly finds himself, with no recollection of his immediate past, lost in an unfamiliar wood. Even odder still, he encounters a badger named Banderbrock, a black bear named Walden, and McTavish the Monster (who might also be an old barn cat)—all of whom talk—and who are as clueless as Max.

Before long, Max and his friends are on the run from a relentless group of hunters and their deadly hounds. Armed with powerful blue swords and known as the Blue Cutters, these hunters capture and change the very essence of their prey. For what purpose, Max can’t guess. But unless he can solve the mystery of the strange forested world he’s landed in, Max may find himself and his friends changed beyond recognition, lost in a lost world…

To enter, fill out the form below. You may join this challenge at any time. Also, you must follow these rules, or your entry will be disqualified:

1. One URL per entry, and that URL must directly link to a book review. A general link to your blog or Goodreads account isn't specific enough (I simply don't have the time to go sifting through entries to see what you're reading).
2. You may enter as many times as you like, BUT you must keep to the one URL per entry rule. Otherwise your entry will only count as one.
3. You must have reviewed the book IN AUGUST. Past reviews don't count.

FYI--to get to a direct link to your Goodreads reviews, click on the title of the book, and then click on the "My Review" heading just above where you type in your review. A link to your profile will render your entry invalid.

Come back here on Wednesday, August 31st to see if you've won. Good luck!!