Happy Holidays!!

Well, I'm off to visit family for the holidays, so it's going to be quiet around here. The lights are going off and I'm turning down the heat. I'll leave a reading light on in case anyone cares to browse, though.

I still have lots of great stuff to share from the last Prairie Writer's Day, like Tamra Tuller's way of dealing with writer's block, and some fabulous nuggets from Jennifer Matteson and Edward Necarsulmer IV on agenting in today's market. I'll post those when I get back, so be sure to stop by.

Oh, and don't forget about the awesome books I'm giving away. If you want 'em, ya gotta enter!  I'll have more books to give away in January, too, of course. :)

Until then, have a great holiday, everyone, and see you next year!!

  

Winner of The Princess of Las Pulgas!

The fabulous C.Lee McKenzie so humbly shared her experiences of navigating her road to publication, and then took it another step further and offered us an ARC of her newest book, The Princess of Las Pulgas.

Well, the winner of that ARC is...

Izzy G.!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!  I've sent your info along to Lee, who will get that book out to you as soon as she can. I hope you'll stop by after you've read it and share your thoughts!

Huge thanks goes out to Lee, again, for sharing so much with us. You give us all hope.  :)

Food, Girls, & Other Things I Can't Have by Allen Zadoff

Life used to be so simple for Andrew Zansky–hang with the Model UN guys, avoid gym class, and eat and eat and eat. He’s used to not fitting in: into his family, his sports-crazed school, or his size 48 pants.
But not anymore. Andrew just met April, the new girl at school and the instant love of his life! He wants to find a way to win her over, but how? When O. Douglas, the heartthrob quarterback and high-school legend, saves him from getting beaten up by the school bully, Andrew sees his chance to get in with the football squad.
Is it possible to reinvent yourself in the middle of high school? Andrew is willing to try. But he’s going to have to make some changes. Fast.
Can a funny fat kid be friends with a football superstar? Can he win over the Girl of his Dreams? Can he find a way to get his mom and dad back together?
How far should you go to be the person you really want to be?
Andrew is about to find out.

It’s not easy to make me laugh. I’m not sure why, really. It’s not that I don’t find things funny. I do. But something has to be truly hysterical for me to laugh out loud—and even that doesn’t last longer than a few seconds. *shrug* I have no clue why.

Anyway, this book made me laugh out loud. Many times. And there were a few scenes that had me positively howling with laughter, clutching the ache in my side and tears streaming down my face. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard for so long!! I’ve certainly NEVER laughed like that for a book before. So, if you like funny, this book is definitely for you.

But it doesn’t stop there. Huh, that just made me feel like an infomercial—“But wait! There’s more!” Except there really is more with this book. It’s got a solid plot, quick pacing, and fabulous characters. Andrew is awesome, and the way he reinvents himself is both believable and unpredictable, which is the best kind of combination.

Plus, Zadoff does an amazing job illustrating the mental anguish that teens have with being overweight, but he does it through humor. This allows him to show more of what it's really like to be an overweight teen than he could probably get away with in a more dramatic story. Genius. There is so much in this story, and Zadoff pulls it off well.

I’m buying a copy of this book to add to my ‘favorites’ shelf. Go get yourself one. You’ll be glad you did.

Promoting Your Books

Last week, Marilyn Brigham from Marshall Cavendish showed us how to craft powerful sentences. Today, I want to share what Michelle Bayuk from Albert Whitman & Co had to say about authors and promoting their books.

The very first thing she did was define the author’s role in marketing:
-Authors are the book’s creator.
-You are a member of the marketing team.
-You are NOT a member of the sales team.
-You are the leading experts on your books.
-You are the leading experts on yourselves.
-You can be experts on the kinds of books you write.

What does that mean? It means that authors are not expected to sell books. You can go into a bookstore and alert the store manager about the book they have coming out, possibly leave a postcard or something similar behind, but you are NOT the one who convinces the store to buy X number of copies. Also, once a store has copies of their books in stock, you are welcome to drop by and sign stock (just alert someone before whipping out that pen). You can also contact your publicist to find out what you can do to promote your book, and you can call as much as six months before your books comes out. Just don’t overstay your welcome.

Other things authors can do is reach out to the readers in various ways. Play around with social networking, but stick to the mediums that you’re comfortable with. Once you find something that works for you, focus on sharing aspects of you. Who are you in your day job? Your community? Your personality? Readers want to know these things. Know your audience (which also means you need to know who your book targets), and that will make it easier to connect with them.

Things that authors can do on their own are wide and varied. You can schedule school visits, and Michelle suggested that you insist the kids have read the book ahead of time. You can also go to conferences to make connections there, and have an elevator pitch ready so you can talk about your book. You can also get the word out to your own circle of family and friends. Get to know your local librarian and booksellers and offer to do things for them instead of just asking them to promote your work.

For the introverts (like me)! If you’re uncomfortable talking to people you don’t know, don’t stand off to the side. Stand in the middle of the room, and eventually someone will talk to you. Then, when conversation comes around to you, you can tell that person about your book and you have one more potential reader.

You can spend your own money on promotional items, but have them professionally done. And, assess whether the money spent will be worth it. Business cards, bookmarks, and postcards have lots of uses and are usually worth the investment. Librarians are beginning to use book trailers, but don’t do that one yourself unless you can create one of professional quality. You can also do giveaways at schools.

Launch parties have changed over the years, and are often lonely affairs if you go it alone. However, if you partner with several debut authors, then you can all bring in your family and friends and get a much bigger turnout, as well as possible new readers.

The one thing that authors are expected to do is this: finish your next book! However, unless you want to start over as a debut author again, don’t change your name. So, be sure you like the name you’re publishing under for that first book.

December Book Giveaway!

And here's some more books to give away!!  This month, I've got two ARCs:

Sapphique by Catherine Fischer
Finn has escaped from the terrible living Prison of Incarceron, but its memory torments him, because his brother Keiro is still inside. Outside, Claudia insists he must be king, but Finn doubts even his own identity. Is he the lost prince Giles? Or are his memories no more than another construct of his imprisonment? And can you be free if your friends are still captive? Can you be free if your world is frozen in time? Can you be free if you don't even know who you are? Inside Incarceron, has the crazy sorcerer Rix really found the Glove of Sapphique, the only man the Prison ever loved. Sapphique, whose image fires Incarceron with the desire to escape its own nature. If Keiro steals the glove, will he bring destruction to the world? Inside. Outside. All seeking freedom. Like Sapphique.

Matched by Ally Condie
In the Society, Officials decide. Who you love. Where you work. When you die.
Cassia has always trusted their choices. It’s barely any price to pay for a long life, the perfect job, the ideal mate. So when her best friend appears on the Matching screen, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is the one . . . until she sees another face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black. Now Cassia is faced with impossible choices: between Xander and Ky, between the only life she’s known and a path no one else has ever dared follow—between perfection and passion.

To enter, fill out the form below.  Normally, I would announce the winners on the last day of December, but, this year, that day falls on Christmas.  Sooo, I'll be announcing the winners the following Saturday, Jan 1st.  I'll also announce what books I'm giving away in January, too.  So be sure to stop by!

100 Books in 2010!!

This week, I reached my goal of reading 100 books this year!  There were some amazing books in my pile, and some that weren't my cup of tea.  But I can honestly say that I learned something from each and every one of them.

Here are some of my favorites so far:
Food, Girls, and Other Things I Can't Have by Allen Zadoff
Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine
Epitaph Road by David Patneaude
Paranormalcy by Kiersten White
Raised by Wolves by Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Immortal Beloved #1: Everlasting Life by Cate Tiernan
Candor by Pam Bachorz
Stolen by Lucy Christopher
In the Path of Falling Objects by Andrew Smith
The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly
Blue Plate Special by Michelle Kwasney
If I Stay by Gayle Forman

What about you? How is your reading going? What are your favorite books this year so far?

Guest Post: Author C.Lee McKenzie, 'What I've Learned'

When Tabitha invited me to do a post about what I’d learned since I started writing for kids and teens, then tell what I wish I’d known, I thought, “OMG, I’ve got a book here!”

I suppose the honest answer to part one is I knew nothing. I didn’t even know what a young adult or a middle grade book was. I certainly didn’t know how the publishing world worked. Query? What was that? What was the difference between an editor and an agent? Hmmm. There are critique groups? Where?

One thing about starting at zero is that there’s no fear and the only way to go is ahead. So that was me: dumb, fearless and charging forward. I learned the answers to all of those questions above and discovered there were tons more questions popping up every day. I guess I’m lucky in that I stumbled around, finding writers who knew more than I did, finding groups that were supportive and instructive, discovering that I couldn’t write worth diddle squat (that was humbling), and then setting out to teach myself the craft (that’s been daunting).

I also learned about failing. I couldn’t sell anything I submitted: my short stories bombed, poetry came back in the mailbox before I could drive home from the post office (*raspberry sound goes here). Then as I entered the little more advance dumb-fearless stage I wrote this novel about a girl who cuts herself. I subbed it to about six publishers (Notice I didn’t mention agent here because . . . well, just because. I’ll explain later.)

They all turned me down or ignored me. How dare they! Then I subbed it to WestSide Books and the next day I had a request for a partial. The next week I had a request for a full. By the end of the month I had a contract. How about that? I’d done it. Now what?

Oh, yes, there was this small portion of the writing-selling-publishing business that no one mentioned. It’s commonly known as “marketing.” The real name is “full time job,” at least for me since now I had to learn another whole set of skills. That’s when Dame Fortune smiled. Not really. She gave me more of a smirk with, “Now you’re in for it” implied. I connected with 2009 Debutantes knew what they were doing, and I did whatever they told me to do. I kept my SCBWI membership current and started attending more conferences. Verla Kay’s website was invaluable during this time. Here’s my thanks to all of those communities and the people who showed me the way.

I guess that covers what I didn’t know, so I suppose these could be added to the column labeled, What I Wish I’d Known Before I Started. Yet, when I think back I might never have taken on the challenge if I’d known what I was up against. Maybe it was better to back in, learn by doing, and to stick it out. Even though I love learning new stuff there are some writing-editing-marketing my books days when I’d love to know what I’m doing. (Please note the plural books. I didn’t have my fill of labor intensive days with the first book experience, so I wrote a second one.)

Remember when I didn’t mention agents earlier in this post? Well, I didn’t because I don’t have an agent. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to have an agent; I just haven’t gotten around to really researching and querying them yet. For heaven sakes, I haven’t had a lot of time.

Since I still have some middle grade books hibernating on my C Drive, I thought I’d focus on getting representation for those, so that will be a 2011 goal . . . I think. I hesitate because I don’t know how it will be to have a person between the publisher and me. If I succeed in finding representation I guess I’ll find out, then if Tabitha asks me to poke my nose into her great blog again, I can tell you what happened.

Thanks for the opportunity to go on and on here, Tabitha. It’s been fun setting out my experience from knowing nothing to knowing a little about what I’m doing as a published author.

Thanks so much, Lee, for sharing all this great stuff with us! And we would love to hear how it all works out. Right, guys? :)

To see what all Lee is up to, check out the links below. And, because she's so awesome, she's giving away an ARC of her newest book, The Princess of Las Pulgas. Just fill out the form below, and come back here on Dec 10th to see if you've won. Good luck!

Links:
Blog: http://writegame.blogspot.com/
Webpage: http://cleemckenziebooks.com/
Sliding on the Edge http://tinyurl.com/2e6lr3x
The Princess of Las Pulgas http://tinyurl.com/2eul96n

Crafting Powerful Sentences

Last week, Andrea Welch from Beach Lane Books showed us how to put emotion into our stories. Today, I want to share what Marilyn Brigham from Marshall Cavendish had to say about choosing the right words for your story.

The first thing she said was this: Repetitions are bad! When we repeat words or phrases in our stories, it lessens the impact each time it’s used. This includes repeating a single word, phrases, and imagery. Then, she listed some specific things to watch out for.
Common, everyday words: just, then, anyway, so, though, etc.
Words that echo each other: unfair/unfairness, though/although, etc.
Common phrases: of course, I was like, I couldn’t help but wonder (this last one is apparently in nearly all of her submitted manuscripts, so don’t use it!)
Ideas: conveying the same idea in several different ways too close together will lessen the impact on the reader, and make the story sound preachy

She suggested that a good way to keep the language fresh is to mix it up by effectively using a thesaurus or dictionary. She also said to watch out for adult phrases or ways of saying things, using slang that is out of date, and clichés. She even cited some examples:
Only to be met...
...sent shock waves...
Like a bat out of hell
Glimmer of hope
Throw in the towel

Instead of taking the easy way out and using a cliché, or even a phrase that you’re familiar with because you grew up with it, find a new way to say it. Constantly ask yourself if there’s a more kid-friendly way of telling your story.

Next, she talked about the importance of avoiding clutter. That is, using several words where one will do. And she broke it down into four parts.

Adverbs: most are unnecessary. Instead, use a stronger verb that conveys the same meaning, but gives the reader a sharper image of what’s happening.

Adjectives: too many can create purple prose. Purple prose speaks down to the reader and takes itself too seriously. So keep these to a minimum.

Unnecessary Prepositions: An added preposition is just padding, and your prose won’t be as sharp or clean. Avoid adding a preposition when it’s not needed, such as “at about,” or “order up.” In both cases, only one of those words is needed. Watch out how you use other prepositions, such as above, across, below, beneath, aside, etc. In each case, ask yourself if that word is needed in the sentences.

Implied Words: Using two words that convey the same meaning is overkill, and again your prose won’t be a clean or sharp. Instead, use one word that will get your point across, and it will have a greater impact on the reader. Some examples to avoid: mutual cooperation, very unique, tall skyscraper, etc.

Finally, she said that when you’re in your final stage of revision, look at each word and assess whether it is necessary, and whether it is doing the job it’s supposed to do. A good tool to do this is to read your work aloud.

She also had some recommended reading:
Dear Genius, The Letters of Ursula Nordstrom edited by Leonard S. Marcus
On Writing Well, The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction by William Zinsser

Winner of the November book giveaway!

I know this is a day late, and the only excuse I can come up with is too much turkey.  :)

So anyway, let's just see who wins this month's book giveaway, shall we?

According to Random.org, that person is...

Inspired Kathy!!!

Congratulations!!  I'll get those books out to you in the next couple of weeks.

For the rest of you, I've got some great ARCs to give away next month, so stop by next saturday to see what they are!!

Matched by Ally Condie

Cassia has always trusted their choices. It’s barely any price to pay for a long life, the perfect job, the ideal mate. So when her best friend appears on the Matching screen, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is the one . . . until she sees another face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black. Now Cassia is faced with impossible choices: between Xander and Ky, between the only life she’s known and a path no one else has ever dared follow—between perfection and passion.

The premise to this story is very interesting, and I really liked the way everything was set up. The Society controlling everything, making the citizens dependent on it, making changes and interfering as it sees fit, etc. I loved the way the story unfolded as well as the direction it took. The pacing was spot on, the characters were interesting, and I thought the voice was just perfect.

In fact, there was only one thing that gave me pause...but it was a big thing, and bothered me throughout the story. And that was why Cassia went in the direction she did. I wanted to see more of her thought process here. I wanted to feel her curiosity in a palpable way, because I’m sure she was feeling it. But I didn’t feel it, and so subsequent actions felt...off. I think that with just a tiny bit more, this could have been a story that blew me out of the water. Instead, it was just good. :)

Since it was still quite good, I give it two thumbs up. And, I’ll be giving away my ARC next month. So stop by if you’re interested!

Infusing Your Story With Emotion

Last week, Katherine Jacobs from Roaring Brook Press showed us her brilliant ways to manipulate pacing within a story’s structure. Today, I want to share what Andrea Welch from Beach Lane Books had to say about putting emotion into your story.

Andrea focuses more on picture books, but I still found many nuggets of information even though I write novels. So I’ll share those nuggets with you.

She started out talking about what she looks for in a story, and needs it to capture her on the first page and evoke an emotional response. For picture books, this is essential because the book is so short. For novels, this is idea, but not always possible. But I would say that the reader would need to make an emotional connection by the end of the first chapter. The earlier, the better.

Next, she referred to a handout she’d given us, which was a list of questions she asked herself each time she assesses a story. I can’t reproduce it here, but I can summarize the highlights.

She said a story needs to have a clear audience, a compelling narrative arc, strong pacing (with fun page turns for picture books), and memorable and relatable characters. That’s really good, basic advice that we should all follow, but then she said this: the story needs to meet a developmental or emotional need.

That’s genius! We all have milestones to reach both developmentally and emotionally, no matter how old we are. They vary as we grow older, so some kids may experience what others don’t. But if your story meets one of those needs, then your readers will connect on a deeply emotional level and will come away loving your work. They may re-read it, and will likely recommend it to their friends. Most importantly, though, they will seek out your other books.

On that note, a picture book is designed to be read over and over again. So that’s the way it needs to be written. For novels, this sort of applies. Sure, there are some subjects that can have such a strong impact that the reader can only read it once, but it’ll never be forgotten. But others should be written such that the reader will get excited about reading it over and over again.

Another thing she said that are picture book specific is that the text needs to leave room for detailed artwork that also tells part of the story. Therefore, you should cut your description to the bare minimum. She also had some recommended reading (all picture books, of course):
Don’t Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus
Officer Buckle and Gloria
LMNO Peas
Winter Is The Warmest Season
Who Said Coo?
Fold Me A Poem

Even though they’re not novels, I plan to read all of these because I can still learn from them. A picture book has a compact narrative arc, and every single word is there for a purpose. And I’m going to figure out what that is.

NaNoWriMo Update

I always schedule most of my posts weeks ahead of time.  That way I can focus on other things, like writing, reading other blogs, responding to those who comment on my blog, etc.  And I'm usually very good about not missing a post.

Not so today.

I got so caught up in NaNo that I just realized I didn't have a book review scheduled for today.  Um...oops.  :)  NaNo is taking all my spare thoughts every minute of every day.  Every chance I get, I sit down to write.  My house is a wreck, and I haven't folded laundry in two weeks.  If we need something to wear, we go rummaging through the basket of clean clothes.  :)  So it really shouldn't be surprising that I didn't have a post written for today.

But, I'm okay with it because I'm making good progress.  Considering how little time I get to sit down and write, I'm quite proud that I just passed 18k words last night.  I'll keep plugging away, and I'm still hopeful that I'll meet my goal of finishing the first draft by the end of the month.  We'll see, though.

So, no review this week.  I'll have one next week for sure, I promise. :)

ETA: Per LM Preston's suggestion, here's the first page of my NaNo project. Enjoy!

THE BIG BOOK OF LIES
Chapter 1: The Bribe
Dad slid the small velvet box across the cracked formica table. “For you, Alexis. Neil says this is at least two thousand years old, probably older.”

I stared at the box. I really wanted to open it because I was nuts about antiques and other really old stuff. Whatever was in the box had come from Dad’s head archeologist—Neil, who was on a dig in Peru—and I was dying to see what was inside.

But it was tainted. This box, plus a sumptuous milkshake at our favorite diner, was nothing but a bribe to get me to stop sulking. I knew it. Dad knew it. And that was the only thing keeping me from snatching up his gift.

Then again, it was an unspoken bribe. Technically, that meant I could ignore Dad’s intent, take the box, and do as I pleased. It’s what he would do...which was reason enough for me not to.

So, fine. I would stop sulking for the next few hours. At least Dad knew he had to give me something for it. Especially after what he’d put me and Mom through.

I pried open the box, and a tear-drop-shaped piece of carved stone was nestled on a bed of satin. It was old, all right. The surface was pocked and worn, and you could barely see the scroll design etched into the surface. Not the best piece I’d ever seen, but still good.

I turned it over. It was heavier than I expected, and...warm. The way stone feels when it’s been sitting in the sun for a long time. My fingers kind of tingled, too.

A hole had been cut through the narrow part at the top, like someone had strung it onto something. A piece of jewelry? Strange. Jewelry from this time period in Peru was usually gold. That made the piece unique. I loved it instantly.

“I thought you’d like it.” A triumphant smile stretched across Dad’s face.

I suppressed a snort, snapped the box shut, and tucked it into my pocket.

Manipulating Pacing Via a Manuscript’s Structure

Every November, the Illinois chapter of SCBWI puts on a conference called Prairie Writer’s Day. I’ve gone to it for the past four years, and it just keeps getting better. This year was no different. The lineup consisted of Jennifer Mattson from Andrea Brown Literary Agency, Edward Necarsulmer IV from McIntosh & Otis Agency, Katherine Jacobs from Roaring Brook Press, Andrea Welch from Beach Lane Books, Marilyn Brigham from Marshall Cavendish, and Tamra Tuller from Philomel Books.

As I’ve done in years past, I’d like to share the highlights from each person’s presentation, starting with Katherine Jacobs. She gave an amazing talk about pacing, and how to keep it from sagging. She used brilliant charts (which I don’t have), but I’ll try to explain as best I can.

She started out by explaining the difference between plot and pacing: plot is what happens in the story, and pacing is how the story unfolds.

A well-paced story reveals the character and conflict at the same time. For example, she said she gets manuscripts all the time that introduces the character in his/her normal day, usually with back story or explanations behind certain relationships. She also gets manuscripts where there’s a very exciting plot, but we don’t know enough about the character to care about what’s happening to him/her. The perfectly structured pacing is one where we learn enough about the character to connect to him/her, and we also learn that the current situation is not normal.

She put up a picture of Freytag’s Pyramid, which looks like this:

Next, she went through each of the pieces and told us how much time we should be spending where.

The Exposition and Denouement were the shortest. The Exposition is used to set the scene and give us some indication that all is not well, and then we move straight into the Inciting Incident. The Denouement is used to tie up any loose ends after the story’s Resolution. Basically, once the story is resolved, we need to get out as quickly as we can. Otherwise we might wonder why we’re still reading.

The Rising Action is where the story spends most of its time. It’s where the events unfold, and the best way to pace it is with a sort of ebb-and-flow pattern: the stakes are raised, then we have a tiny drop; the stakes are raised again, then another tiny drop; etc. This keeps the tension mounting, but also gives us a little bit of time to relax. Too much tension and we may feel too exhausted to keep reading. So, the pacing should keep this pattern until the story reaches its climax.

The Falling Action consists of the events that happen as a result of the climax. This is shorter than the Rising Action, but longer than the Exposition or Denouement. Basically, here, we only want to know about how the characters are going to reach the resolution. Anything else isn’t necessary, or can be shown at another time.

She said that if you’re having trouble pacing your novel, then the best thing you can do is implement a very rigid structure. This will force you to face some difficult problems. After those have been solved, then she said it’s perfectly okay to abandon that structure. She also said that if the pacing of your main plot seems lacking, then you can use subplots to give it a boost. Once it’s going strong, then you can resolve the subplot and go full force with the main plot.

Pacing doesn’t usually happen in the first draft. It’s almost always honed and crafted in the revision process. A really good pacing structure is transparent to the reader—we will be so caught up in discovering what happens next that we won’t even notice how the author has put the story together.

Blue Fire by Janice Hardy

Part fugitive, part hero, fifteen-year-old Nya is barely staying ahead of the Duke of Baseer’s trackers. Wanted for a crime she didn’t mean to commit, she risks capture to protect every Taker she can find, determined to prevent the Duke from using them in his fiendish experiments. But resolve isn’t enough to protect any of them, and Nya soon realizes that the only way to keep them all out of the Duke’s clutches is to flee Geveg. Unfortunately, the Duke’s best tracker has other ideas.
Nya finds herself trapped in the last place she ever wanted to be, forced to trust the last people she ever thought she could. More is at stake than just the people of Geveg, and the closer she gets to uncovering the Duke’s plan, the more she discovers how critical she is to his victory. To save Geveg, she just might have to save Baseer—if she doesn’t destroy it first.

I read The Shifter earlier this year and loved it. Nya is my favorite kind of character: a spunky, proactive, reluctant hero. She doesn’t want attention or kudos, or even to be noticed, really. But when someone is in danger, she steps up without even thinking twice. I love her.

Blue Fire picks up almost right where The Shifter leaves off. And, it packs just as much of a punch as the first book. Lots of action, great characters, and interesting twists. It explores some great themes of preconceptions, relying on others, and knowing who you really are.  Some of the twists were fantastic and heightened the tension tenfold.  I loved it. This is definitely NOT a sophomore slump of a book.

If anything, the story was a bit too fast-paced. It wasn’t quite as smooth as The Shifter, and sometimes felt a little rushed. But still, the tension never let up and I was glued to the book from the first to last page. If I’d had the time, I’d have finished it in one sitting. I’m definitely looking forward to book three.

If you'd like to win an ARC of this book, go here and fill out the form.

NaNoWriMo--How's It Going?

So?  For those of you doing NaNo, how's it going?  Are you keeping with your goals?  Are you ahead?  Behind?  Are you able to ignore the fact that your words might be crap?  :)

Me?  I'm behind.  I set myself a goal of 1000 words a day, but so many unexpected things came up that I didn't even make half that.  Fortunately, last friday my youngest son went to a friend's house to play so I was able to get back up to speed.

I am currently close to 5500 words so far. I know, kind of pathetic, considering some of my writing buddies have more than twice that many words.  But hey, it's better than nothing, right?  :)

Although, the goal I set myself was to have a finished draft by the end of the month.  At this rate, it's going to be February before I'm done.  So I need to figure out a way to step up the pace...which means I'm going to have to roar like a mama bear whenever my writing time is threatened.  :)

Yeah, we'll see how that goes.  :)

November Book Giveaway!

It's time to give some more books away!  I've got three ARCs this month:

Nightshade by Andrea Cremer
Calla Tor has always known her destiny: After graduating from the Mountain School, she'll be the mate of sexy alpha wolf Ren Laroche and fight with him, side by side, ruling their pack and guarding sacred sites for the Keepers. But when she violates her masters' laws by saving a beautiful human boy out for a hike, Calla begins to question her fate, her existence, and the very essence of the world she has known. By following her heart, she might lose everything--including her own life. Is forbidden love worth the ultimate sacrifice?

Hunger by Jackie Morse Kessler
“Thou art the Black Rider. Go thee out unto the world.”
Lisabeth Lewis has a black steed, a set of scales, and a new job: she’s been appointed Famine. How will an anorexic seventeen-year-old girl from the suburbs fare as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
Traveling the world on her steed gives Lisa freedom from her troubles at home: her constant battle with hunger, and her struggle to hide it from the people who care about her. But being Famine forces her to go places where hunger is a painful part of everyday life, and to face the horrifying effects of her phenomenal power. Can Lisa find a way to harness that power — and the courage to battle her own inner demons?

Blue Fire by Janice Hardy
Part fugitive, part hero, fifteen-year-old Nya is barely staying ahead of the Duke of Baseer’s trackers. Wanted for a crime she didn’t mean to commit, she risks capture to protect every Taker she can find, determined to prevent the Duke from using them in his fiendish experiments. But resolve isn’t enough to protect any of them, and Nya soon realizes that the only way to keep them all out of the Duke’s clutches is to flee Geveg. Unfortunately, the Duke’s best tracker has other ideas.
Nya finds herself trapped in the last place she ever wanted to be, forced to trust the last people she ever thought she could. More is at stake than just the people of Geveg, and the closer she gets to uncovering the Duke’s plan, the more she discovers how critical she is to his victory. To save Geveg, she just might have to save Baseer—if she doesn’t destroy it first.

To enter, fill out the form below, then come back on November 27th to see if you've won.  Good luck!

The Mermaid’s Mirror by L.K. Madigan

Lena has lived her whole life near the beach—walking for miles up and down the shore and breathing the salty air, swimming in the cold water, and watching the surfers rule the waves—the problem is, she’s spent her whole life just watching.
As her sixteenth birthday approaches, Lena vows she will no longer watch from the sand: she will learn to surf.
But her father – a former surfer himself – refuses to allow her to take lessons. After a near drowning in his past, he can’t bear to let Lena take up the risky sport.
Yet something lures Lena to the water … an ancient, powerful magic. One morning Lena catches sight of this magic: a beautiful woman—with a silvery tail.
Nothing will keep Lena from seeking the mermaid, not even the dangerous waves at Magic Crescent Cove.
And soon … what she sees in the mermaid’s mirror will change her life ...

I enjoyed Madigan’s first novel, Flash Burnout, so much that I got excited when I saw this one coming out. I really liked Lena, and her situation was very interesting. The story unfolded at a good pace, and, once I started reading, I didn’t want to set it down.

The first half was fantastic. I was glued to the pages and loved finding out the mysteries of the sea as Lena did. And then, once we found out for sure why she was so drawn to the ocean, I couldn’t wait to see how it was all going to work out. The characters were interesting, and I loved that Lena didn’t want to go all ‘McSwoonypants’ over her boyfriend. McSwoonypants!! Love it!

Some SPOILERS below.

This story is basically about how the absolute choice of Mom vs. no Mom can be painful and terrifying. Lena’s mother went through this when she made her own choices of how to live her life, so I was hoping to see some growth in Lena when the same choice came around to her. Unfortunately, this is where the story disappointed me. Instead of standing up and fighting for what she wanted, and insisting that her grandparents compromise, she succumbs to them. Yes, she does a great thing for her father, but she hurts so many others in the process. It feels like she learned nothing. Like no one learned anything, actually, and that was kind of frustrating. Lena is a child of both land and sea, and, of anyone, she has the right to fight for both. Being forced to choose means she’s missing half her heritage. Very sad.

I understand there is a sequel coming, and it may address the concerns I have about the ending. But I was hoping for a bit more here. Still, it was an enjoyably light read.

Flashbacks and Back-Story

A few weeks ago, I started a new novel. I’ve already gone on and on about how I start my new projects, so I won’t rehash. But there are two aspects I’ve never touched on: back-story and flashbacks.

When we start a new story, we need to get the reader into the conflict as soon as possible. But we also need to bring him up to speed on what’s happened with the characters up to that point. This is usually done through back-story or flashbacks.

Just so we’re all working from the same page, here’s how I define these terms.
Back-story: a summary of an incident that has happened in the character’s past.
Flashback: taking the reader to the past incident and showing it to him through action and dialog.

Back-story is almost always necessary because the reader needs to know where the character is coming from. Flashbacks aren’t always necessary, but sometimes the reader needs to be in the moment to truly understand the character’s position. The key is to get that history across without interfering with the story.

A story needs to have forward momentum, meaning it needs to unfold at a steady pace. Flashbacks (and sometimes back-story) stop that momentum. They take the reader somewhere else and get him involved in a different story. Then that stops, too, and we’re brought back to the real story. If this happens too much, it can frustrate the reader because he’s being pulled in too many directions at once, and left wondering when he’s going to get back to the ‘real’ story.

In general, it’s smoother for the reader if back story can be conveyed in a sentence or two. This is hard to do, but it’s worth it because the reader won’t be skimming ahead to find the real story. In this case, less is definitely more because it has a greater impact on the reader.

Flashbacks are trickier because they can’t be conveyed in a sentence or two. If a flashback is absolutely necessary, then a good way to keep the reader from feeling jerked around is to start the flashback at the beginning of a chapter. That way, the reader is already at a natural break in the story (the previous chapter has ended, and he’s got some breathing room), so shifting into a flashback may not feel as jarring as it might in the middle of a chapter. The catch here is that you will need to make it clear from the beginning that this is a flashback—either put all text in italics, give a date or time frame of when this happened in the past, or change the point of view. This way, the reader will settle in without any confusion, and will also be expecting to switch back to the real story later on.

For me, personally, I avoid flashbacks because they are very hard to get right. And I make a conscious effort to limit my back-story to no more than two sentences. If I can’t get it all across in two sentences, then I figure out what the reader MUST know at that moment, and then I’ll move the rest to a later point in the story. It keeps things from sounding like an info dump.

How do you handle back-story? Flashbacks?

In My Mailbox...

In My Mailbox is an exploration of what books I brought home this week, and is organized by The Story Siren.

This week, I got three more books for review:

Past Midnight by Mara Purnhagen
Let me set the record straight. My name is Charlotte Silver and I'm not one of those paranormal-obsessed freaks you see on TV…no, those would be my parents, who have their own ghost-hunting reality show. And while I'm usually roped into the behind-the-scenes work, it turns out that I haven't gone unnoticed. Something happened on my parents' research trip in Charleston—and now I'm being stalked by some truly frightening other beings. Trying to fit into a new school and keeping my parents' creepy occupation a secret from my friends—and potential boyfriends—is hard enough without having angry spirits whispering in my ear. All I ever wanted was to be normal, but with ghosts of my past and present colliding, now I just want to make it out of high school alive….

Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly
BROOKLYN: Andi Alpers is on the edge. She’s angry at her father for leaving, angry at her mother for not being able to cope, and heartbroken by the loss of her younger brother, Truman. Rage and grief are destroying her. And she’s about to be expelled from Brooklyn Heights’ most prestigious private school when her father intervenes. Now Andi must accompany him to Paris for winter break. PARIS: Alexandrine Paradis lived over two centuries ago. She dreamed of making her mark on the Paris stage, but a fateful encounter with a doomed prince of France cast her in a tragic role she didn’t want—and couldn’t escape. Two girls, two centuries apart. One never knowing the other. But when Andi finds Alexandrine’s diary, she recognizes something in her words and is moved to the point of obsession. There’s comfort and distraction for Andi in the journal’s antique pages—until, on a midnight journey through the catacombs of Paris, Alexandrine’s words transcend paper and time, and the past becomes suddenly, terrifyingly present.

Girl Stolen by April Henry
Sixteen year-old Cheyenne Wilder is sleeping in the back of a car while her mom fills her prescription at the pharmacy. Before Cheyenne realizes what's happening, their car is being stolen--with her inside! Griffin hadn’t meant to kidnap Cheyenne, all he needed to do was steal a car for the others. But once Griffin's dad finds out that Cheyenne’s father is the president of a powerful corporation, everything changes—now there’s a reason to keep her. What Griffin doesn’t know is that Cheyenne is not only sick with pneumonia, she is blind. How will Cheyenne survive this nightmare, and if she does, at what price?

Bought:

The Tension of Opposites by Kristina McBride
It’s been two years since Noelle disappeared. Two years since her bike was discovered, sprawled on a sidewalk. Two years of silence, of worry, of fear.
For those two long years, her best friend Tessa has waited, living her own life in a state of suspended animation. Because how can she allow herself to enjoy a normal high school life if Noelle can’t? How dare she have other friends, go to dances, date boys, without knowing what happened to the girl she thought she would share everything with?
And then one day, someone calls Noelle’s house. She’s alive.

Dangerous Neighbors by Beth Kephart
Could any two sisters be more tightly bound together than the twins, Katherine and Anna? Yet love and fate intervene to tear them apart. Katherine's guilt and sense of betrayal leaves her longing for death, until a surprise encounter and another near catastrophe rescue her from a tragic end. Set against the magical kaleidoscope of the Philadelphia Centennial fair of 1876, National Book Award nominee Beth Kephart's book conjures the sweep and scope of a moment in history in which the glowing future of a nation is on display to the disillusioned gaze of a girl who has determined that she no longer has a future. The tale is a pulse by pulse portrait of a young heroine's crisis of faith and salvation in the face of unbearable loss.

What books did you bring home this week?

Winners of the October book giveaway!

It's time to announce the winners for this month's giveaway.

Prize Pack 1

  The winner is  ...  Beverly!!!

Prize Pack 2

  

The winner is  ...  Prism!!!

Congratulations to the winners!!  I will get those books out to you asap.

As for everyone else, come back next saturday to see what else I'm giving away.  HINT: it's two ARCs of books that were released this month.  :)

Hunger by Jackie Morse Kessler

“Thou art the Black Rider. Go thee out unto the world.”
Lisabeth Lewis has a black steed, a set of scales, and a new job: she’s been appointed Famine. How will an anorexic seventeen-year-old girl from the suburbs fare as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Traveling the world on her steed gives Lisa freedom from her troubles at home: her constant battle with hunger, and her struggle to hide it from the people who care about her. But being Famine forces her to go places where hunger is a painful part of everyday life, and to face the horrifying effects of her phenomenal power. Can Lisa find a way to harness that power—and the courage to battle her own inner demons?

The whole idea of Famine mixed with anorexia is fabulous. The concept of someone starving herself on purpose being forced to see people starving because they have no choice really pulled me into this story, and I couldn’t wait to see how the author was going to tackle it.

I thought Kessler did a fantastic job with the eating disorder aspect of things. It felt real, especially with the gory details we get in certain scenes. Lisa’s ‘Thin Voice’ strikes me as something a real anorexic would hear in her own head, and drive her to do things she really shouldn’t. Such as not eat, or exercise herself into the ground. I also found Tammy’s scene in the bathroom to be incredibly powerful. Yeah, it was gory and disgusting, but it also shows exactly what bulimia is. There’s nothing glamorous about it.

Kessler also did a great job showing Lisa’s motivations for starving herself, given her home life. Her interactions with her friends was also realistic and believable. Though they try to help her, Lisa doesn’t see that she has a problem because she can’t see herself as anything but fat. And, if she were truly anorexic, she says, “I’d be thin.” Very powerful.

Unfortunately, the fantasy aspect wasn’t as compelling. I never got a complete sense of what Lisa’s job as Famine was supposed to be. She gets no instruction, and ends up causing both misery and relief. Her symbol of office is the scales, but she never really uses them. The bible states how the scales will be used during the apocalypse, but what about before? I would have liked to know a lot more about that.

The conclusion had me torn. On the eating disorder side of things, it was incredibly realistic and well-done. On the Famine side of things, I was confused. I didn’t quite understand why she made the choice she made, especially after discovering what she could do in her role as Famine. Plus, this seems to be a complication for the next book in the series, which is about War.

If you’re looking for a realistic view on eating disorders and the havoc they can wreak, then this is your book. But if you’re looking for a solid marriage of Famine and anorexia, well, this doesn’t quite do it.

NaNoWriMo--Who's Doing It?

In one week, the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) will begin. Those who participate will be frantically trying to write 50,000 words in 30 days. That's 1600 words per day, including weekends and (American) Thanksgiving. If you can't do weekends, then you have 22 days, and need to write 2275 words per day. If you can't write on those two days for Thanksgiving, then you have 20 days, and need to write 2500 words per day.

For me, my kids are home from school the whole week of Thanksgiving. So that means I'd have 17 days, and would need to write about 3000 words per day. And, I'd have to do it before my youngest son comes home from kindergarten (he's half-day). Which means I'd have two hours each day to write 3000 words. Um...not very realistic. :)

I did it last year, and I managed to organize play dates and some other stuff to get my writing done. I made the 50k words, but was so frazzled by the end of it that it wasn't a pleasant experience. So, this year, I'm going to do something different. I've decided to participate, but I'm not waiting until Nov 1st. :-D I've already started, and have about 4000 words so far. And, I've set myself a reasonable goal of 1000 words per day. I can definitely do that in two hours.

So, starting November, I'll post my word counts on the NaNo website, but I won't reach the 50k word count. However, what I will have is a strong, working first draft that I can mold into something to give my agent when it's done. That's better than 50k words any day. And, I won't be a quivering puddle by the time December rolls around. :)

So, are you participating? If so, do you know what you want to get out of it?

Nightshade by Andrea Cremer

Calla Tor has always known her destiny: After graduating from the Mountain School, she'll be the mate of sexy alpha wolf Ren Laroche and fight with him, side by side, ruling their pack and guarding sacred sites for the Keepers. But when she violates her masters' laws by saving a beautiful human boy out for a hike, Calla begins to question her fate, her existence, and the very essence of the world she has known. By following her heart, she might lose everything--including her own life. Is forbidden love worth the ultimate sacrifice?

This was an interesting story. The mythology is quite unique, though a bit confusing at first, and I really liked the themes of feminism and slavery running throughout. Also, it did a great job of showing the difficulties around doing what is expected of you versus doing what you really want to do. The writing is strong as well, and painted vivid images.

I liked Ren a lot. He is a complex character with a rough exterior and a softer, understanding side to him. He’s a good leader and a good listener, and acts according to what he believes is right, as well as how he’s been brought up. I didn’t like Shay or Calla, though. They’re both pretty selfish, and they seriously mistreated Ren many times.

Shay professes to be better than Ren because he wants to treat Calla as an equal and not a possession. But he contradicts that every single time he kisses her, because she has repeatedly told him not to. I found that very disrespectful. Shay treats Calla as an object more than Ren ever does, because Ren actually listens when Calla tells him to stop, and also lets her set the pace with their upcoming union. If she'd told him to never touch her again, he'd have listened and respected her wishes. But she never says that. Instead, she encourages him.

At the beginning of the story, Calla is a strong alpha and a good leader. She starts out saying that she and Ren are both alphas and would run the pack together after their union, but then she willingly gives up control of the wolves in her own pack and we’re not told why. We’re just given her assumption that she's supposed to submit to Ren.

It bothered me that Calla just let's Ren take over like this without talking to him about her own wishes first. Ren has proven himself to be a good leader and listener over and over, so it made me mad that she didn't even try to talk to him. This undermined some of the feminist themes running throughout the story.

Calla’s transformation wasn’t a positive one in this story. She starts out strong, but then kind of melts into a puddle. In the beginning, she’s a strong alpha and demonstrates inherent qualities of decision making and decisive action. It doesn’t make sense that she’d fall to pieces because of a simple attraction to someone she’s not supposed to be with. Instead, an alpha would weigh the possibilities and then make a firm decision one way or another. And, she’d enforce that decision with strength and confidence, because that’s what an alpha would do. Instead, she slowly turns wishy-washy.

The mythology was interesting and unique, though, and I would have liked to see more of it. I was a bit confused by the ending, and the way it unfolded didn’t ring true to the characters or the situation. But I am hoping that will be cleared up in the next book. And, I’m hoping Calla’s spine will be back and intact.

Inspiration vs. Writing Every Day

I subscribe to the Guide to Literary Agents newsletter, and last month they asked about writers who write only when inspired vs. writers who write every day. Is there a need to write every day, or should we just write when inspired?

For me, there are two sides to this question. 1) Sitting down to write even when you're not inspired. 2) The actual ability to sit down and write without any other obligations getting in the way. These have two very different answers, so I want to tackle them separately.

1) Sitting down to write even when you're not inspired.
I believe in making inspiration come to me rather than waiting around for it to fall in my lap. So, I'd rather sit down and get to work even if inspiration is being elusive. However, I don't believe in forcing the words. If you sit down to write and it takes twenty minutes to get three crappy sentences on the page, then something is wrong.

The standard argument used here is that you can't revise an empty page, so bad words are better than no words. But I disagree. When I write something truly awful, I almost always end up deleting it and starting over (because it's just plain too horrible to revise). So, when I get myself into a situation like this, I stop writing. BUT, I don't walk away. Instead, I'll do some brainstorming exercises, journaling from the MC's perspective, or other tasks to help me figure out why the story isn't flowing properly. Once I figure it out, then I can get back to writing.

So, I think that instead of sitting down and writing every day, one should sit down and do something related to writing: brainstorming, planning, research, journaling, etc.

2) The actual ability to sit down and write without any other obligations getting in the way.
As much as I would love to write every day, I can't. I have a family, and I want to spend time with them. Because of everyone's schedules, it's not possible for me to carve out writing time every single day. So, I write on the days that I can, and don't write on the days I can't. For this reason alone, I don't have the luxury of waiting around for inspiration to strike because I can't sit down to write anytime I want.

Instead, I set up a writing schedule, which I stick to religiously. On my writing days, I either write or do something related to writing. Always. Some days, the words flow so quickly I can hardly keep up. Other days, it's like banging my head against the wall. But I stick with it, and the end result is always worth the work I put into it. If inspiration happens to strike on a non-writing day, then I jot notes in a notebook that I always keep handy. This may sound overly complicated, but if I didn't have this schedule then I would never get any writing done.

Basically, though, I think what the question of Inspiration vs. Every day is really asking is this: do you have what it takes to stick it out? Writing is hard work. Whether you write every day or need to be inspired in order to write, you still need to be able to come back to your story again and again in order to make it the best it can possibly be. If other things keep getting in the way (or if the “I’m not inspired” thing is really an excuse), then you’re never going to get there. If you truly need to be inspired in order to write, then find ways to get yourself inspired as often as you possibly can.

Keep working, learning, and pushing that envelope, and you'll get there in the end.

The Magnificent Twelve: The Call by Michael Grant

Twelve-year-old Mack MacAvoy suffers from a serious case of mediumness. Medium looks. Medium grades. Medium parents who barely notice him. With a list of phobias that could make anyone crazy, Mack never would have guessed that he is destined for a more-than-medium life.
And then, one day, something incredibly strange happens to Mack. A three-thousand-year-old man named Grimluk appears in the boys' bathroom to deliver some startling news: Mack is one of the Magnificent Twelve, called the Magnifica in ancient times, whatever that means. An evil force is on its way, and it's up to Mack to track down eleven other twelve-year-olds in order to stop it. He must travel across the world to battle the wicked Pale Queen's dangerous daughter, Ereskigal—also known as Risky. But Risky sounds a little scary, and Mack doesn't want to be a hero. Will he answer the call?

I read the first book in Michael Grant’s Hunger series, and it was a bit too much for me. I’m hypersensitive to kids getting hurt (this happened after I had kids of my own), so that series is just too disturbing for me.

The Magnificent Twelve, however, is the exact opposite. Fun, campy humor runs throughout the story, giving it a lighthearted tone and putting a perpetual smile on my face. The mix of Mack’s phobias with his general lack of reasonable fear makes for a hilarious combination. It also turns the story upside down when one of Mack’s phobias gets in the way of progressing the story. Very cool.

If you liked Whales on Stilts by M.T. Anderson, you’ll definitely like this. The humor is very similar, but the humor isn’t quite as ‘out there.’ Still funny, though, and I can see boys of all ages tearing through these pages.

For a chance to win an ARC of this book, fill out the form here.

500 Word Critique: MG ghost story

It's been a while, but someone else has decided they'd like to offer up 500 words for critique.  It's the beginning of a middle grade ghost story, a prologue and part of the first chapter.

I have kept the author anonymous, and given my reactions to the story. The green text in parentheses are my comments.


***
Prologue
The smell of death encompassed the room (What does death smell like? I know this is a hard thing to pin down, but it has to smell like something to this character, and if he/she can convey it to the reader, then we'll feel that much closer to the story). My legs felt like cement. Fear was stopping my every move (these two sentences actually say the same thing--perhaps combine?). My first thought was to run towards the door. I know the threatening one (this reads like a name or title; if so, it needs to be capitalized) is here, I just don’t see it. The smell lets me know as it looms closer (how does the smell change as the entity gets closer? Does it get stronger? Does it smell like something else? These details will heighten the tension and bring the reader closer to the story). Darkness surrounds the threatening one.

Terror gripped my senses and felt like it would never release me (instead of telling us that terror has an unrelenting grip on the character, show us how terror feels to this person--people experience it differently, so we need to know how it feels to this particular person). I tried to raise my hand in front of me to feel through the darkness, but I was concerned that I would run into the threatening one.

Whispers filled the air. It is closer and ready for attack (can s/he feel it coming? Where does s/he feel it? Tingles along the spine? Skin crawling? Paralysis? Show us the clues that let him/her know the entity is closer). A slinking sound behind me made me realize my existence would soon be over (for most people, a survival instinct would kick in—this makes it sound like s/he has given up). My thoughts were paralyzed with fear. I felt somewhat relieved that I couldn’t see its’ (its--no apostrophe) face. Prayer and hope were my only escape. Did anyone know that I was trapped in the prison of bitterness with a vengeful thing? The threatening one is protecting what it feels belongs to it. I want to protect those I love. (this is interesting, but a bit confusing—how does the character know the threatening one is vengeful, yet protecting something at the same time? Those two emotions don’t usually go together, so it’s intriguing. But perhaps make the situation a bit clearer as to how the character knows about them)

I heard the threatening one make a deep breathing sound (how does it sound? Show us so we can experience it with the character) as it crept even closer. Would someone wake me up (oh, I didn’t realize s/he was sleeping...or is s/he?)? I screamed in my head. I can’t continue like this (how old is this person? It sounds like an adult speaking)! My breathing was becoming slower and the room was closing in.

Silence filled the air. I stood motionless knowing this could be the end. Tears wanted to stream down my face as my eyes shut tightly (the POV is first person, but this sounds a bit like third—as in, from the outside looking in, not how the character is feeling on the inside). This is not how my life was supposed to end. “Tell my friends I love them,” was my last thought. (so, how does this person die? And how does it feel? Is it a brutal murder, or does his/her heart just stop? And how does that feel? These details will give us more insight into the character and the situation, and we’ll be able to feel the experience right along with him/her. It also increases tension and keeps the reader on the edge of his seat)

Chapter 1
“Don’t believe what people say about your house, Lauren,” I heard someone whisper. (this is a perfect place to work in the name of the protagonist—we’ll make a quicker connection, and also know she’s a girl)

“What? What about my house?” My eyes stare straight ahead.

“Oh, nothing. You’ll see.” (who spoke? An adult? A kid? A crazy homeless person? Knowing where this information comes from will help us know how much credence to lend to it. And also seeing the character’s reaction to that person will color our judgment, too, in favor of the main character)

I froze in the spot, afraid to move. A chill collected in the middle of my upper spine then shot down my entire back. There in front of me is my new home, looking like it was beckoning me to come inside. Was this house really smiling at me? Seriously, it looked just like the house was smiling (this sentence has a lot of great voice). It was a huge white two story Civil war type antebellum home. I swear it had to have been built in 1800 (that specific year? Or in the 1800’s?). I had a good sense of things about me and I didn’t have a good feeling about this. The smile on the house’s face was not a welcoming one, but one of “I dare you to come in” kind of look. Somehow this house reminded me of the smile on the Cheshire cat. (this is a great reaction to the house, and I think it would have a greater impact on the reader if we got this first—before the general statement that the house seemed to be smiling. The ‘Cheshire cat’ grin paints a specific and vivid image, but a general ‘smile’ can be interpreted in multiple ways. I’d jump right into the Cheshire cat.)

A big balcony with two large French doors looked like it was protecting the 2nd floor. A shadow cascaded across the entrance. I look around (nine times out of ten, sentences like “I looked...” are not necessary. We assume the character is looking around because she then reports what she sees, so it’s not necessary to tell us that she looks around). Wonder who that is, I thought. Must be one of the movers, I hoped. (not sure her thoughts are necessary here—we’re in her head already with the sentence ‘Must be one of the movers,’ and the ‘I hoped’ sounds like you’re trying too hard to create tension. The assumption that the shadow is from one of the movers has already planted the seed of suspicion in the reader’s head)

There were trees surrounding the house, which made its appearance look dark. I did like the balcony though because I couldn’t wait to sit there and read. In front, just like most antebellum homes, there were four huge pillars. I waited to see if Scarlett O’Hara would come walking outside. Maybe, hopefully, with nice landscaping it won’t be so gruesome looking. Where was the new house I thought I was going to have? Oh, there are shade trees, but what were my parents thinking???? (only one question mark is needed)

Overall comments:
This is intriguing! I think this is a great setup to a ghost story, and if we were a bit closer to the main character, it would be even better. We need to know more of what Lauren is thinking. But, what she thinks needs to be sharp and concise. If she’s saying the same thing three different ways, it’s going to frustrate the reader.


Watch out for your verb tenses—there are places where you switch from past to present and back. I’ve highlighted the places where you’ve slipped into present tense.


The prologue above is written in first person, and so is your first chapter. The implication here is that these two are the same characters. I’m guessing they’re not, though, so switching the prologue to third person might differentiate it better. It would also let us know whether the prologue’s character is male or female—and that will help us to better identify with him/her.
***

Thanks to the author for stepping up and sending in your work!!

As for all of you reading, what did you think? Do you agree with me? Disagree? Did I miss anything? Please weigh in with your comments!

If you would like your work posted here for critique, then send me 500 words from anywhere in your story. Or, feel free to send a query for critique.
tabwriter at gmail.com

I Am Number Four by Pittacus Lore

Nine of us came here. We look like you. We talk like you. We live among you. But we are not you. We can do things you dream of doing. We have powers you dream of having. We are stronger and faster than anything you have ever seen. We are the superheroes you worship in movies and comic books—but we are real.
Our plan was to grow, and train, and become strong, and become one, and fight them. But they found us and started hunting us first. Now all of us are running. Spending our lives in shadows, in places where no one would look, blending in. we have lived among you without you knowing.
But they know.
They caught Number One in Malaysia.
Number Two in England.
And Number Three in Kenya.
They killed them all.
I am Number Four.
I am next.

After reading this summary, I could not wait to get my hands on a copy of this book. Murder, mystery, and superheroes? What’s not to love?

For the most part, I enjoyed this book. The voice is on the quieter side, which fits with John’s (aka Number Four) need to blend in to the background. True to form for any kid his age, he gets tired of moving around and wants to form some real friendships in his new town. With that comes the unexpected desire to stand up for himself.

This is a great concept. The need to not be noticed conflicting with the need to establish himself set a fantastic tone and kept me interested. Some of the scenes where John stands up to the local bully were a bit too full of testosterone for my taste, and the middle of the book slowed down a bit because John got too caught up in ‘setting that bully straight.’ But when we get back to the fact that he’s being hunted, the pace picks back up. And, of course, by the end of the story, everything has changed for all of John’s people.

I’m looking forward to the next book, and finding out how everything is going to unfold. I am hoping, though, that there will be less posturing and more exploring of newfound abilities.

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